Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Welcome to the planet...

It was an interesting day in the life of Jordan. I was in Missouri and one morning we were in Kansas City at the International House Of Prayer. Me and my sister were watching Justin Rizzo rocking it out on a worship set and as my sister sorta lost herself in God I just gazed as half of the musicians were yawning like dummies. I didn't really know why I was there. I do. But I don't. On the way to Kansas City from St. Joe there was a billboard that had just one word. Narcissist. I really didn't even know what it meant. But it didn't seem happy or sweet.

Narcissist ~ inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity.

Vanity ~ excessive pride in one's appearance, qualities, abilities, achievements, etc.; character or quality of being vain; conceit:

I saw that sign and kinda wanted to cry...
I've realized that being a jerk and a complete and utter idiot doesn't help whatsoever in life and in my walk with God.
This brought up the question in my brain "what is the point in not loving anyone and everyone?"
I can be a huge jerk. I have been lately to some people. To others I would just ignore them and walk away for years. My excuse most of the time for being a jerk is just being tired. But what the heck?! Because of my stupid action of not going to bed early doesn't mean I should take it out on other people. Love was given to us unconditionally, we should give it out unconditionally. Rid ourselves of hate, lust, and vanity. It's not easy. Not the kind of thing where you wake up and say "i want to love today" and you automatically do.
It's sorta like Eustace in C.S. Lewis' book "The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader." Where Aslan tells Eustace to take of the dragons skin and he does. And it turns into something beautiful. But in the book Eustace can't peel all the skin off because it hurts to much. Because it wasn't just a matter of the outside. It was a matter of the inside. The heart.

There is this whole journey we call life. It get's freaking annoying. Can I get a witness? Amen. We run around hating it up and at the end of the day we try to figure out what we did wrong. I guess you can say I feel kinda convicted when I realize this. But thats good. Because I'm going to try my hardest to peel of the skin of vanity and pride. I don't want to be a narcissist. That word doesn't even look pretty. By being vain and self centered you break everyone down to dust and ashes. I'm not a saint. I'm Jordan Chambers who has nothing figured out and still goes on hating and judging. Forgive me if I've judged you. You can help me peel this skin off too.

What's the point in not loving everyone? What's the point in worshiping ourselves when everything that was given to us comes from a man who gave everything?

Twenty-Four ~ Switchfoot
Twenty-four oceans
Twenty-four skies
Twenty-four failures
And twenty-four tries
Twenty-four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
With twenty-four drop outs
At the end of the day

Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit,
take me up in arms with You'
And I'm not who I thought I was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit,
take me up in arms with You'

There's twenty-four reasons
To admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses
Still twenty-four strong

See, I'm not copping out
Not copping out
Not copping out
When you're raising the dead in me

Oh, oh
I am the second man
Oh, oh
I am the second man now
Oh, I am the second man now
And you're raising these...

Twenty-four voices
With twenty-four hearts
All of my symphonies
In twenty-four parts
But I want to be one today
Centered and true
I'm singing 'Spirit take me up in arms with You'
You're raising the dead in me

Oh, oh
I am the second man
Oh, oh
I am the second man now
Oh
I am the second man now
And you're raising the dead in me
Yeah

I wanna see miracles
To see the world change
Wrestled the angel for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing 'Spirit, take me up in arms with You'
And you're raising the dead in me

Twenty-four oceans
With twenty-four hearts
All of my symphonies
With twenty-four parts
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit,
take me up in arms with You'
I'm not copping out
Not copping out

Friday, December 10, 2010

Transatlanticism.

Zoning out seems to be a favorite of mine in just about everything I do. It seems that everything I try and need to think about just bounces off my brain.
There also seems to be random moments in my day where God crosses into those ridiculously never ending circles I call my thoughts. And when He does it's either nothing of importance or I just can't help but stop and stare at the sky and wonder what the heck He's doing. It's kinda reallllllly ridiculous how it all comes into play. At the end of the day I get a tad frustrated with how things turn out from the days events. Even if the day is perfect I think about things I could have done better.

There is this song. It's called Transatlanticism by Death Cab For Cutie. It talks about getting to what I think is heaven. The guy talks about water crashing in and millions of people moving in one direction. But he talks about how... Moving forward looks more like crossing a moat than rather a lake or an ocean. The part that gets to me like that little emotional itch on our heart you can never scratch, is when the guy starts singing "I need you so much closer."

That line really really moves me. It's like.... Driving a car and then hitting a brick wall. But the reality of that line is this. Our hearts are singing this song to our Maker. The most beautiful thing about it is He's singing it back. Sorta like "Hey. I'm an ocean. I'm love. C'mon.". What I can't get out of my head is... I can't live the past because we were made to be moving forward. No matter how much I zone out on things I could have done better this song makes me realize that we can't relive what we've done. We can't take back words we've said. Nor actions we've made. But through the thick of it. There is this never ending train of thought. This infinite song in our hearts. This yearning in our soul that's saying "I need you so much closer." And the beauty is that we're getting closer. We're finding something. We're excavating up something ancient. We're always getting closer. No going back. Soon enough. We won't need to sing this song.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Look how they shine for you...

So... Lately life has been a crap load of weird twists and turns. And most of the time I'm so lost in thought to realize that something is changing. I'm a terrible thinker. I loose myself in though in the most terrible and awkward places. I had to explain to my brother last night that I can't take listening to my Chemistry teacher go on about equations seriously. I honestly can't. I hear "and take the 6.83 moles and divide that by the amu of Sodium Trioxide." and automatically loose myself in the never ending train of thoughts. Sometimes it goes like this "I wonder if she even likes teaching his." "think she just does it for the money?" "are they struggling financially?" "why do we need money?!" "I would like some money" "I want to buy people Chrismas presents." "what should I get my mom?"
Yeah. That honestly happens every week. It's annoying. But... You get it. Last night I was at a friends house. They're planning on opening up a bible study at their house in January. They have three kids under the age of seven and Scott is from Manhattan and Catherine is from South Carolina. It's ridiculous how two completely different people like Scott and Catherine are married. It's amazing. ANYWAYS. Me and my sister went over there for some coffee and to just talk about life and God. We haven't seen them in a while due to Catherine having a baby and Beka working. But. We managed last night. It was incredible. After a couple of hours of talking and drinking some kick butt coffee they decided that they would pray for us before we left. They started praying for my sister first and was going at it. Then they got to me and Scott said something about "knowing the person of God." In that moment I kinda just dropped my head and thought to myself "who the hell are You God?" after they were done praying we left and me and my sister drove home talking about my grandpa who died last year, and how we miss him playing the piano and laughing. We were listening to Ode To Joy and this dude who's playing it just starts playing like a mad man. And Beka said "I miss how grandpa played. Because he played just like that." and as soon as she said that it felt as if my insides were drunk and they just sobered up. It was a weird feeling. But we pulled in and got out of the car and I looked up... God is wonderful at making stars shine. Bilbo (from Lord of The Rings) describes how I felt before I looked up "I feel like butter spread over to much bread..." As soon as I saw that every single star was just hanging there in some black void everything inside me shrunk. I realized. That I can never be as spread apart as all those stars. My heart can't be broken into that many pieces. But the fact that really got me is that if those stars are holding me... Then someone. Some ridiculous dude named God is holding those stars. It took me a good five minutes to realize that brokenness surrounds me. But it took me over night and it's still taking me time to realize that there is a deep unfathomable Love that holds all of us. It was weird because I was humming Ode To Joy and my mind wanted to start racing but it couldn't. I realized that those stars are holding my grandpa. In that moment I wanted to scream "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME GOD?!" But then realized that I sorta know what He's doing. He's making me whole.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the Way...

Lately I've been realllllllllllllllllllllllllllly Tired. Not just physically tired. But spiritually and mentally wiped out. I don't know why. Everything is tiring. I'm drained from school and family and not being able to see my friends as much as I want. I need to be super charged spiritually, and emotionally I have no room to complain or argue my case because I am quite stable compared to my friends. But I still feel tired. I don't hate life. My life is actually pretty good. I hear the song How He Loves and want to start crying and weeping. I think I'm homesick. I long to be in the arms of the One who created me... Creation is so ridiculous to think about. David didn't lie when he said that God knew us before we were formed in our mothers womb. To think that God, a Man who know's and loves us and of whom we will never understand or comprehend, pulled us out of darkness and sparked our hearts from His. It's so raw and beautiful. It makes me homesick because I know that one day I'm going to be back in His arms. I know that no matter what happens, in the end I'll be His and only His. I'll no longer be tired.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Good God, can You still get us home?

I recently heard a story about this kid who has brain damage. He had a traumatic birth and is at the moment almost completely deaf. He is apparently reallllllllly brilliant and pretty awesome from what i've heard. But his parents are getting a divorce. My heart jumped into my throat and I had to swallow it back down. This is so painful to write because someone, some kid I don't even know is in pain because of stuff that happened to him earlier on in life. And his parents are getting a divorce because of their problems. I get so fed up with the parents of my friends when they fight. I get mad at my parents when they fight. Why, you ask? You might say that it's natural. Or it's because something is wrong. Or because they married the wrong person and this is how they figure things out. I don't care. Arguments are completely pointless. Fighting solves nothing. It always ends up in someone getting hurt. No matter what happens fighting always ends up with someone getting hurt. Look at war. People will die. Hopes will be crushed. Everyone comes out bruised no matter who has the upper hand.

Abraham Lincoln said ~ "I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends"

We should pause our lives and shutup our selfishness. Burn it to the ground. Why can't anyone see that selfishness and self-absorption is the biggest problem in the world? As a Christian it's our goal to be as humble and meek as possible so that other can take our example. I hope that one of my Christian brothers and sisters influence that kids parents to be selfless. Divorcing the problems we have is not a solution. It helps in the moment. But in the long run it screws a whole lot up than you see at the moment. Selfishness = Bad. Selflessness = Good. Love is a huge step in being humble. So love. Ask Jesus for help. And pray that our self absorption can be destroyed.


Y-O-Y ~ Plugin Stereo

I hear a bird as it whispers in my ear
It says oh what a waste of time,
Look how you live your life,
Trying to show no fear.
I see a man as he sits along on the street
He holds a sign that begs for love
His mind is so messed up
That he can’t even think.

So in this big world you gotta’ keep your head straight
Take baby steps and you’ll get there some day.
So y-o-y would I just let my life be a waste,
A bag of bones, a waste of space
And how oh how did you think to wait til now if you want to fix this place

I smell the scent of greed that makes us dwell
We’re always at each others necks, trying to be the best
Looking out for ourselves
I feel like we’ve lost touch with what’s real
With our heads stuck up in the clouds, only living for now
Tell me what’s the deal

So in this big world you gotta’ keep your head straight
Take baby steps and you’ll get there some day.
So y-o-y would I just let my life be a waste,
A bag of bones, a waste of space
And how oh how did you think to wait til now if you want to fix this place

So y-o-y would I just let my life be a waste,
A bag of bones, a waste of space
And how oh how did you think to wait til now if you want to fix this place

Saturday, November 13, 2010

What Is Love?

There's a song by the non-christian band called NeverShoutNever. It's a good song. But the dude rambles on in the chorus saying "What is love? What is love?"
I've found myself asking myself "what is love Jordan?". I really can't explain to you what it is. In fact I don't have a clue what love is. I don't. I really don't... I've recently been exposed to the fact that life isn't about me and my problems and my success. I've realized that all of us need something to hold on too. A lot of places I go, turn God into a book. We have to read Him word for word. Page by page. It sucks. I find myself hating this God. Why? Because God, if He is a book, is one to where you can read the first book to the last and never comprehend it. You can study every single word and page and never figure it out. I like this God. Why? Because thats part of Love. Being able to sit there and know that it's okay to not have anything figured out. Because I don't. And neither do you. I don't think we can figure out what love is till we meet Love itself. We have to hold on to the fact that we can't figure love out but we must know that God Himself is the mystery we spend our lives to solve...

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Son of David... Don't pass me by.

I read a blog post from a friend saying she felt as if her life was a dream. Her dad died this year, and she's pretty broken about it. It isn't easy. Not at all. She is pretty much on a roller coaster now from what I've seen, heard, and what she's told me. I myself have been on a roller coaster... Probably nothing close to what my friend is on... But pretty close. Back to the dream part. I just finished listening to the song "Closer" by John Mark McMillan and he sings

Come closer, closer to me.
Find me broken, find me bleedin'
cause I need more now than a fairy tale,
a god who lives in a book.
I need someone real.

So would you come?
Would you come?
If i begged you, would you come closer to me now?

Come closer, closer to me.
Find me broken, find me on my knees,
cause I need more now than philosophy.
Some god in outer space doesn't mean anything to me.

So would you come?
Would you come?
If I begged you, would you come closer to me now?
Would you come?
Would you come?
If i begged you, would you come closer to me now?

Son of David, do not pass me by,
cause I am naked,
I'm poor and I'm blind.
Son of david, don't pass me by,
cause I am naked,
I'm poor and I'm blind.

Why do we live in a dream? Why is it the media is a dream world? Where they talk about how celebrity's should be our role models and how the needs and problems of the world are just talked about. Why is it we as humans would rather have a dream than reality? This frustrates me. I feel like the Christian church is teaching me to just dream of being with Jesus until I die and go to heaven. I feel like my generation is taught to just dream of sitting at the feet of Christ. Not actually live it. It's annoying because for the longest time I thought I had to fast and pray in my sleep. Nothing is wrong with that at all. Not at all. But you see. I can't fast because I have the metabolism of a horse. I eat a lot and burn fat by sitting. For about a month I was frustrated because I couldn't get close to God because I can't fast. It was realllllllllly frustrating because everyone around me was on this spiritual high from fasting and it was killing me. God isn't something that needs to be striven for. He loves me if I'm stuffing my face or if I'm starving. He isn't a fairy tale that can only be dreamed about. He is a reality. That should be shoved into my brain as well as yours. He's more real than that roller coaster you're on.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Come Let Us Reason...

Behold the Lamb who takes away the sins of the world
Behold Him
Behold Him generation
What we have seen with our eyes, what we have heard with our ears
What we have looked upon, what we have touched
Concerning the word of Life, that is what we proclaim
Behold Him generation
And we speak unto you, this Man is alive
Fully alive, and He is on fire
Just one encounter
With eyes like a flame of fire
It's better than conversations with great men of history
It's a burning passion
Behold generation
His words are Spirit and Life
You're made for Him
You're the only ones made for Him
You're the only creatures
You're the only ones created
Given eyes to see Him
Given ears to hear Him
Hearts that feel His affection
You're the only ones
He will not share you, He will not let you go
You remain for Him and Him alone
He will not stop until He has all of you
A generation caught in the throws of depression, addictions, hopelessness
He will not stop, unto death He will not stop
Even unto death
You're not an accident of science
He's the very one that formed you in your mothers womb
He will not relent
He will not stop
He's the very one who brought you forth
He's the one that purchased you
With His own blood
That you would be His, and fully His
We don't work right without Him
Depression, addictions, hopelessness
Behold the Lamb
One encounter with Him
The nations will see Him
Our darkness, His light
Your eyes were made to behold Him
You were made to behold Him
Come now let us reason together
Though your sins are like scarlet
I will make them white as wool
Though you are like crimson
I will make you white as snow
Lift your eyes, behold your God
Every nation behold the Lamb
Behold your God
Behold your God
Our darkness, His light

Monday, October 11, 2010

IV. "Thou hast thy calling to some palace-floor..."

Thou hast thy calling to some palace-floor,
Most gracious singer of high poems! where
The dancers will break footing, from the care
Of watching up thy pregnant lips for more.
And dost thou lift this house's latch too poor
For hand of thine? and canst thou think and bear
To let thy music drop here unaware
In folds of golden fulness at my door?
Look up and see the casement broken in,
The bats and owlets builders in the roof!
My cricket chirps against thy mandolin.
Hush, call no echo up in further proof
Of desolation! there's a voice within
That weeps . . . as thou must sing . . . alone, aloof.

~ Elizabeth Barret Browning...

Sunday, October 3, 2010

As His Heart Bleeds...

Something is breaking in me... It's really hard to describe it. In fact there is no possible way for me to describe it at the moment. Something inside me is being ripped out, and yet something is being planted in me. It's nothing bad, I'm not emo. It's quite beautiful. The best way to elaborate on what I'm feeling is in a song. It's called Samskeyti by Sigur Ros. I went to this camp called CIY (Christ In Youth) and after each evening session they would play this song as we were walking out to go do our youth group discussions. It's a lovely song. And each night I would listen to it after leaving the auditorium, feeling like Jesus took a mess of spiritual emotions and shoved them into my soul. It's true though. He did. He took everything out of me and put them into a box and then burnt it. He put in me something more than this world has to offer. I looked up the definition of Samskeyti (it's Icelandic) and one definition was "Seam". Interesting huh? One of the definitions of "seam" is; "to join." We are joined with the man who died for us. Through His blood we are joined. We are seamed together with the purest form of love there is known to man. He has a heart. And we just so happen to be stitched to it. To think of it, Jesus without us would be like a shirt with no stitching. An arm with no elbow. Thinking about this makes me want to cry. I thought those emotions He shoved into me would disappear after the last service. He's proving me wrong. Right at this moment He's proving me wrong. But it's so much more than an emotion. It's love swirling in my chest. It's love swirling in my head, It's love surrounding me like a blanket. Finding me in this mess of love is like finding a needle in worlds of haystacks. For you to find yourself in this is like trying to find out if the stars ever end. It's impossible. To comprehend God is like trying to outrun a bullet. He's going to hit you. Like seeing what would happen if you tried to go a month without sleep. It's going to catch up to you soon. He is love.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Learning To Breathe...

Last night I was at this place called The Prayer Furnace in Fredricksburg out here in Virginia. It's awesome. Everyone there is so dear to me. I love it. But last night was realllllllly weird. I was standing there because there is no room to sit most of the time. And the worship music was blaring and it was at least 95 degrees in there. And I couldn't stand it. I had to breathe. I had to have silence. I walked out of the room and went outside and sat on my brothers car. I took out my mp3 player and put on some John Mark McMillan. I just sat and stared out at the stars. I couldn't stop my mind from running around in circles. As of this moment and a couple weeks prior, I'be been confused about being confused. I'm confused about some many things, God, my life, the whole "Love is the answer" concept. I can't wrap my mind around any of it. I sat there on the hood of Matt's little Nissan and wondered what I would do if I had it all figured out. Eventually after about fifteen minutes I saw a shooting star and made a wish. I don't know why I wished. I knew it wouldn't come true. Then I sat there and thought "what am I going to do?". Love is something you can't wrap your head around. God is something you can't wrap your head around. Your life is something you can't wrap your head around, except for the fact you're alive. It's annoying of course. But it's the process of being closer to Jesus Himself. We're all just learning to breathe...

Sunday, September 12, 2010

What does it mean?

I see it every single day. Love. What does it mean? I can't stray from this subject. It's hitting me so hard, I can't escape it. My friend was telling me that her idea of love has been so worn down, so jaded. She told me that when someone says "I love you" to her she doesn't believe them. She said that she'll hear "I love you" then everyone leaves, and she's left alone in the dust realizing that they just said I love you to get what they want. I was cut to the bone when she told me that. It was horrible. I realized I've failed. The only thing screaming through my brain was "LOVE HER!!!" Jesus said to love! To me it feels like this nation, this world has cut love down to just marriage and sex! I was reading the blog from the movie To Save A Life and all these stories of kids and teens who feel alone were popping up. They feel so beat down, so crushed. Like someone shoved their faces into the ground and walked all over them. My hear was screaming at myself to love. 19.3% of highschool students in North America have seriously considered killing themselves in the past year. What are we doing!? Some of my friends can be making that statistic real. I feel so convicted. So annoyed with myself that I've failed. God give me grace to love... I need to love my friend in the way Jesus would love her. Unconditionally. I need to love that dude that sits in the corner because no one likes him.

Friday, September 3, 2010

... <--- (insert awesome title here.)

So far... It's been a while since I last wrote on this whole thingumabob, and in that time frame I still haven't been able to get this whole concept of "All we need is Love" out of my head. I've realized you can't put Love in a box... God is Love... If you think you can put God in a box then you need a reality check. If one person could love uncontrollably. Then that would be so infectious, and we would all be out of hand. Jesus loved unconditionally. He infected a whole group of people. Now look at where we are today. If we could all love like Jesus. Can you freaking imagine what could happen!? No you can't. We need to learn to love. If a soldier walked up to his enemy and hugged him and said "I'm sorry for fighting and killing your friends and family and I would give my life to help build your life up again." I'm thinking that enemy would say "okay." fine. The enemy dude would still probably hate that soldier for everything he did. But it's not getting the people that hate you to love you... It's about loving with no boundaries. Taking love out of the box that we put it in. Love is the answer.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

All You Need Is Love...

Alright. What could we really do if we just loved? Unconditionally I mean. We have no reason to hate anyone. We really don't. At least as Christian's we have no reasons whatsoever. None at all. Why do we do it??? You know. Here in Virginia you're probably bound to see a redneck in a truck that has a bumper sticker saying "I hate Obama!" or "NOBAMA!" or maybe even "Obama Is A JACKASS!" or something dissing the man. You know. What did Barack Obama do to any of us? He does his job as President and does what he see's right. Now I'm not saying I like Obama's policy's and I don't totally agree with everything he does. But c'mon. The dude is just as much of a sinner as I am. He can and should be my brother. POINT PROVEN. Osama Bin Laden is my brother and my friend. The one's you say you hate are your brothers, sisters, fathers, and mothers. Don't hate, appreciate.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Active Water

http://www.activewater.org/


Check it out... Now.

He Is Jealous For Me... Part 2.

I started to ponder that line... He Is Jealous For Me. Let me start with this. I am frustrated with so many things right now. One of the big things is why do we reduce everything spiritual and everything not spiritual down to some form of math or science? I hate it. I do it so much myself. God is not math. He isn't something or someone we can just comprehend by writing out an equation. Jesus is not science. End of story. Except not really. Because I can't grasp that fact. Anyways back to the point. I kept hearing this line "He is jealous for me" in my head. What the heck does "jealous" even mean. I looked up the definition, there was only one that I think would remotely describe the jealousy i'm talking about.

Adjective.
~ solicitous or vigilant in maintaining or guarding something: exmp. "The American people are jealous of their freedom."

Dictionary's are extremely handy, don't get me wrong. But a word like this. It's something that was reduced to math and science. Now I bet Mister Webster Dude wasn't super spiritual or anything. But why would a human want to turn something beautiful into math. It doesn't make sense to me.

What i'm trying to get at is this. We are in this world till we die. I believe God is jealous that the world has us and He doesn't at the moment. Thats what it feels like to me. I think when John Mark McMillan wrote that line, that's what he was thinking. I don't even know what i'm getting at. But God knows. Anyways. Last night I was reading my Bible and something significant happened. I was sorta staring at Psalms and thinking "why am I not having a crazy epiphany or explanation to all of this." I literally put my entire head on the pages and thought, "what would happen if I literally shoved the pages into my mouth and ate them", then today as I was thinking about I realized that I don't need to memorize the whole bible. Or fast for weeks one end. What I could do if I realized God loves me? What if I can stop reducing Jesus and His love for me down to math? Jealousy is deeper than a definition.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

He is jealous for me...

No matter what. No matter what comes between you and Him, He still loves you. I need to realize this fact just as much as everyone else does. Why can't we just sit and chill with this fact that God Himself loves us more than anything He has ever created? Why is it the human mind, body, and spirit cannot grasp this truth? Why do we sing the songs and not mean it? If I could choose to understand one thing ever in this world it would be how the man Jesus Christ died for me. How he would want to save someone like me. Someone like you. Why would a man who is beyond this world want to die for me? It's unexplainable. Even if I could understand it, I wouldn't be able too. He is jealous for me. He is bigger than our problems. Because He is jealous for you and I means we have nothing to worry about. Try to grasp that as I try...

Friday, July 2, 2010

Politiks...

I don't like politics. Not that I don't like government, and stuff of that sort. I just don't like how everyone has to choose a side and then defend it from the other. It's a dumb war. I think as Christians we shouldn't choose sides. I mean. If you're liberal you hate conservatives. It's that dumb political nature of ours. If your conservative, you hate anything liberal. I'm not saying thats how every human being is. I'm just saying that its how those parties act. My mom was listening to National Public Radio and this guy came on and pretty much said "Screw the parties. I'm happy to be undecided. It's much more peaceful" Yeah... That's my thought on politics. I don't know why i'm typing this. But oh well.

Monday, June 28, 2010

What would you do if you were British

Me and my friend Sarah had this conversation about what we would do if we were British. We would do this and that then end up marrying British people and live in the country side. Why do we, as humans want to be something we can never be? Why do our minds tell us we want to be something different other than ourselves. God like us when we're ourselves. I don't like being myself most of the time, because i am messed up, I have problems, My hair isn't always the way I like it, and I have acne. But God likes me. Thats gotta count for something.

Thoughts?

Sunday, June 27, 2010

So we are His portion and He is our prize...

I want to be a sap when it comes to Jesus. I want to cry every time I hear His name. I don't like what the world does to me when it comes to being with Jesus everyday. It breaks me open and shoves a bunch of crap in my heart. It sucks. It happens to each and every one of us. And it sucks... I think that to get the crap out of my heart I need to break it open again and cry... Just sit there and cry. Sob. Weep. However you want to put it. I want to do that right now. I've read stories of people making little streams down aisle's in churches because of what God is pulling out of their hearts. It's beautiful. I've had moments where I would cry after a good worship service and some ministry time. But I don't want that anymore. I want a real "encounter". (I just want to say I hate that word. It makes me feel like i'm labeling God as an alien.) I need my heart torn apart. What would it feel like to touch the raw love of God. I like that word. Raw. It's a good word. I don't like it when we completely water everything about God down. It sucks. Anyways. I want to cry when I hear the word Jesus, or God. I want to be so controlled by Him. I don't just want a good healthy relationship with Him. I want more. I want a love so strong I start to sob when I think about it...

What do you think? How do you want to feel about God?

Like today never happened...

Why do I have problems? Why do you have problems? I don't like problems... They're annoying. What if we didn't have problems? What if we weren't addicted to pornography? What if we weren't alcoholics? I don't like having problems... I don't like having addictions. Except for coffee. Thats an okay addiction. But anyways. I think we have problems so that we go to God in the end. It's probably something like that. I guess thats cool to glorify God in the end. But I don't get it. I don't like having the urge to see a nude woman... I don't like my friend having the urge to cut himself. I want the urge to see Jesus. You know? What are your thoughts?


I don't like problems.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

What Would It Take For You To Walk Towards Me?

What is an authentic Christian... Here's the definition of authentic:

1 obsolete : authoritative
2 a : worthy of acceptance or belief as conforming to or based on fact b : conforming to an original so as to reproduce essential features c : made or done the same way as an original
3 : not false or imitation : real, actual.

Well there you have it. I want to be an authentic Christian one day. I want to be real... I hate being fake. I used to judge people because they were fake in their walk with God. But I was just the same as them. They were probably more real than me. I want to be real... Do you?

Happy Fathers Day,

Jordan

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Hey Unloving...

Soooooo... Yeah. Who am I? A distressed teen who doesn't know where to go in life? I lost follower of Jesus Christ? A kid that doesn't know right from wrong? Why the heck am I even writing this thing? Oh well.

Most of the time I waste my day away on the computer, or wishing I was some sort of rockstar. But i'm not. I'm a kid that is stuck home all summer, trying to do my best to stay out of trouble at home... Not really... But anyways... I play guitar. I have a black Ibanez AEG which I named Lucy... Most of the time i'm playing her i'm wishing I had a different guitar. Don't get me wrong, I love her. But she's not the greatest... I also have a Les Paul with a broken string at the moment... I'm sorta, not really teaching myself piano. And maybe start on drums... I don't know... Music is my life. My current favorite artist is John Mark McMillan... He gets really deep when it comes to putting Jesus and music together... I like it a lot. I am a hater of stereotypical christian music. Like all the terrible sounding bands that are on the radio... I doesn't sound good to me at all. I would rather listen to something like Michael Jackson, or Queen. In general... I like the good music. The stuff that makes you think. If my life were a song then it would be pretty climatic... If your life was a song how would you describe it?

Hmmmm... My life... A touchy subject. I have six siblings. Four boy's, two girls. I'm an uncle. It's pretty exciting to be fifteen and an uncle. Four nephews and one niece... My niece is the cutest little three-year old you'll ever meet. She'll dance with you if you ask. I used to hate the song Fireflies by Owl City until she asked me to dance with her to it... Now I love it. You can turn something unwanted into something beautiful can't you? Anyways... My dad is Class A Contractor... He's good at it. He used to live in Colorado and build log cabins. Thats a man job. I want a man job when i'm older. But that probably won't happen.

My dad likes interesting music. His favorite CD is the soundtrack from Gladiator. Over all he's a pretty epic guy. So it fits him... He would definitely be a gladiator if he lived back two thousand years. He would be the best. You know... The one that wins every challenge and then in the end swoops his lover of her feet and goes off into the sunset. That would be my dad. But he's not a gladiator. Oh well. I honestly wonder what God's song would be like. I'm thinking pretty amazing. I wonder what i'll be singing when I see Him in the end of the age... Probably something like this...

~You and I meet
On the shores of the broken
You swallow the ocean
I Swallow my pride
Only to see
The way that I need you
Is more than I knew
I ever could

In between the ashes and the flames
Is a cry an awkward silence
Could never contain
And the falling of my hammers
And the writhing of my pain
Is just not as real as the way
That your calling my name

I cant help thinking
That the way that you want me
And the ghost that haunts me
Are one and the same
Cause you stand at my window
At night wile I'm sleeping
There's not a promise I'm keeping
That could ever repay you

In between the ashes and the flames
There's a song that burns brighter
Than Radio waves
Bout the remnants of my Idols
And the shadow of my shame
About how they scatter like the rain and I can't stop crying
Cause you wont stop calling my name

Calling my name up from the ashes ~

Don't get me wrong. I did NOT write that song. It's called Ashes And Flames by John Mark McMillan. Go listen to it.

I feel like i'm writing a book. So now i'll conclude these ramblings of a fifteen year old guy who has nothing better to do...