If thoughts define me, then You're inside me...

I just cracked my neck. Cool.

I was listening to All Creatures by David Crowder (listen to it.) yesterday in the car. And I kept imagining the landscape twisting and contorting to a glorious masterpiece to honor the King. You know. Like... Something from Avatar. Or Alice in Wonderland. But cooler and in real life. I almost started crying at the beauty of it all because it wasn't just me imagining something. It was God working through me. In the weirdest way imaginable.

You know when you need to explain something you're feeling but... You just can't.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I feel quite confused and broken. All there is to life is to simply press farther into the grasping love of Christ. But getting to the point where we can just walk into it is the most difficult thing ever. I'm not ready whatsoever, yet I can't wait till I'm standing at the gate of heaven. Can you imagine? No you can't. I can't either. I have a wild imagination. Like honestly. I do. It's my goal to have the imagination of a five year old. Jesus works in your imagination better than anything your brain will ever process. ANYWAYS.

It's one of those nights where How He Loves by John Mark McMillan is on repeat and everything inside of me feels tired and wants to be revived and lively and my hands can't wait to hold Jesus'. I think I could sing all night and be happy. But I can't. Because everyone in the house is asleep and would punch me in the face.

I guess what I'm trying to get out in this overly excessive contraption of a blog post is that God loves me more than I know. And that He doesn't care what I feel like, or what I think of Him, or how I'm doing in this life, because He is so consumed with the actions, thoughts, and the reality of Him loving this infant-like, pride-consumed, wretchedly dignified soul of mine. That's what I feel.

I pray wholeheartedly that Jesus utilizes my imagination for something more of Him.
Wouldn't that be nifty?

I just cracked my neck again.

Celery is the bomb.

Blahblahblah...

Call of Duty, Dr. Pepper, plans of road trips, chocolate chip pancakes, donut balls. All with my best friend.

My life is pretty shweeeeet.

Cool.

Heart I hope you wake up soon...

Repentance is cold and no one likes it. It get's really old and it seems like a habit to some. I think only people like nuns and monks actually like it. No one likes to own up to their faults and problems. Am I right? I am pretty close at least. However. To those who share these super duper sucky traits I have bad news.

Repentance is a must.
It's true. Without repentance we would be nowhere with God. We would be in the endless circles of sin, shame, guilt, and hatred. Without repentance I think most everyone would kill themselves. Tragic.

Honestly... Who likes admitting they did something wrong? I think the only person that would like it is Jesus. But He never did anything wrong and is perfectly blameless. So He's excluded. No one likes admitting they cheated on a test or saying they ate all the cookies.

I think the number uno thing we people of Jesus need to repent of is... Drum roll por favor.
Bitterness.
That dreaded, lots of letters, word that everyone can associate themselves with.
First off we shouldn't be bitter. Jesus died a long time ago so we wouldn't have to be bitter with anything.
Dos. We are purchased, therefor we are not our masters. As stated in previous sentence. Jesus was beaten, bruised, and crushed so we wouldn't have to be bitter. Yet... We still are.
Three. The only bitterness we have is created by the one and only, you an I. You wouldn't have that tummy ache to complain about if you didn't eat all the cookies in the first place. We are bitter because we associate our misery with something that is joyful and good. For example: Mega Max was bitter because his ex girlfriend(from three years ago ),Super Susie got married to Dumb Dan and has eight kids and is living happily ever after.
We are also bitter because things we cherish and adore and put over top of Jesus get taken away from us.If it weren't for the fact that we think about ourselves we wouldn't have any problems at all. Yes. I know full well how pickled you are about getting grounded because you forgot to take out the trash. But do you really need an Xbox to keep you alive? Yeah. There are those kids in Japan who probably invented the Xbox that now have no place to stay because something took their homes away from them. Get it now?

Bitterness likes us. But we shouldn't invite it in.
Jesus doesn't like bitterness.
I don't either.
Would cookies taste good if they were bitter? Not at all.
UNLESS YOU HAVE REALLY SWEET MILK!
I have chunks of ham stuck between my teeth because I just ate a ham sandwhich...
At uno in the morning....



ALSO. Notice the few Spanish words I added into my writing.
My sister is a legit Spanish teacher and she's unfortunately teaching me.
I think it might be working.
Maybe.
Possibly.
Not at all.

Yeah, It's chill.

I'm watching my little nephews run around the house like hyper-positive sugar addicts.
They understand love, and life, and Jesus better than anyone I know.
They're my role models.
Honestly.
They are.
I need more coffee.

This is the start, this is your heart...

Well... I think Jesus really likes me... Like. Everyone in church goes around saying "Jesus loves you!"... Most everyone just nods their heads and says "He loves you too!". Am I right? Eggzactly. When someone says that to me, I don't really take it to heart. It get's kinda annoying too sometimes. But oh well. ANYWAYS. Once you really start thinking about it... It's true and quite extraordinary. Jesus loves ME. He loves YOU. Think of you loving your favorite teddy bear as a kid. If it ripped. Your heart ripped. If it got lost, you were lost.
Jesus is the dude. You're the teddy bear.

Well. There you have it. Easy enough. Let your imagination feast on that when someone says "Jesus loves you.". I truly believe your imagination is paired with the love of Christ. That's cool. It makes me feel like a little kid. I like that feeling. We're all little kids in Jesus' eyes. Cool.

Remember. You're the teddy bear. Jesus is the human.
Cool.

If You're a hand grenade, I'll pull the pin.

So I've been thinking lately. Shocker. I know. BUT. I've been thinking about Jesus. I think out minds were created to think about Jesus. Like. That's that. End of story. You know what I mean? I suppose if the dude created it then He deserves to be on it a lot. ANYWAYS. As I said already. I'VE BEEN THINKING. I'm a messed up dude. Like. I honestly am. I am in no way perfect. I have a jacked up mind. A messed up heart. And a screwed up soul. I struggle with depression, oppression, jealousy, hatred, sadness, hurt and anger like the rest of us. It's something that follows us in this world.

NOW. If you're a troubled teen like myself then most likely the reaction you would get from me talking about the death and resurrection of Christ is nothing more than the reaction of a bag of potato chips. Am I right? That whole story is watered down and to some it's painful to hear it over and over again. Sorta like Easter Sunday on repeat minus the candy. Painful.
You have to look at this in depth. And by in depth I don't mean history, definition sorta stuff. I mean. Raw, bloody, bright depth.

Imagine this.
Jesus. A weird dude comes up to you and says nothing but you know deep down inside He holds a love that can't even be perceived in the human mind. Imagine you sitting there watching Him tied to a post with whips at His back. Like. You think dissecting a frog in Biology is gross. Raw flesh is being ripped off His back all the while you're staring like dumbfounded ghost. Next you see Him walking with a cross on His back up a hill. The nails are forced through His hands. He's just hanging there like He planned on that happening. But the part that will strike a chord in you somewhere is that you were ALWAYS on His mind through it all. It doesn't matter if you wanted to be on His mind or not. You were no matter what. No matter how much you've gone through. No matter what pain you've experienced. No matter what you struggle with or have to fight through everyday. Jesus has you on His mind. It still sounds watered down to me.

He loves you.