Learning To Breathe...

Last night I was at this place called The Prayer Furnace in Fredricksburg out here in Virginia. It's awesome. Everyone there is so dear to me. I love it. But last night was realllllllly weird. I was standing there because there is no room to sit most of the time. And the worship music was blaring and it was at least 95 degrees in there. And I couldn't stand it. I had to breathe. I had to have silence. I walked out of the room and went outside and sat on my brothers car. I took out my mp3 player and put on some John Mark McMillan. I just sat and stared out at the stars. I couldn't stop my mind from running around in circles. As of this moment and a couple weeks prior, I'be been confused about being confused. I'm confused about some many things, God, my life, the whole "Love is the answer" concept. I can't wrap my mind around any of it. I sat there on the hood of Matt's little Nissan and wondered what I would do if I had it all figured out. Eventually after about fifteen minutes I saw a shooting star and made a wish. I don't know why I wished. I knew it wouldn't come true. Then I sat there and thought "what am I going to do?". Love is something you can't wrap your head around. God is something you can't wrap your head around. Your life is something you can't wrap your head around, except for the fact you're alive. It's annoying of course. But it's the process of being closer to Jesus Himself. We're all just learning to breathe...

What does it mean?

I see it every single day. Love. What does it mean? I can't stray from this subject. It's hitting me so hard, I can't escape it. My friend was telling me that her idea of love has been so worn down, so jaded. She told me that when someone says "I love you" to her she doesn't believe them. She said that she'll hear "I love you" then everyone leaves, and she's left alone in the dust realizing that they just said I love you to get what they want. I was cut to the bone when she told me that. It was horrible. I realized I've failed. The only thing screaming through my brain was "LOVE HER!!!" Jesus said to love! To me it feels like this nation, this world has cut love down to just marriage and sex! I was reading the blog from the movie To Save A Life and all these stories of kids and teens who feel alone were popping up. They feel so beat down, so crushed. Like someone shoved their faces into the ground and walked all over them. My hear was screaming at myself to love. 19.3% of highschool students in North America have seriously considered killing themselves in the past year. What are we doing!? Some of my friends can be making that statistic real. I feel so convicted. So annoyed with myself that I've failed. God give me grace to love... I need to love my friend in the way Jesus would love her. Unconditionally. I need to love that dude that sits in the corner because no one likes him.

... <--- (insert awesome title here.)

So far... It's been a while since I last wrote on this whole thingumabob, and in that time frame I still haven't been able to get this whole concept of "All we need is Love" out of my head. I've realized you can't put Love in a box... God is Love... If you think you can put God in a box then you need a reality check. If one person could love uncontrollably. Then that would be so infectious, and we would all be out of hand. Jesus loved unconditionally. He infected a whole group of people. Now look at where we are today. If we could all love like Jesus. Can you freaking imagine what could happen!? No you can't. We need to learn to love. If a soldier walked up to his enemy and hugged him and said "I'm sorry for fighting and killing your friends and family and I would give my life to help build your life up again." I'm thinking that enemy would say "okay." fine. The enemy dude would still probably hate that soldier for everything he did. But it's not getting the people that hate you to love you... It's about loving with no boundaries. Taking love out of the box that we put it in. Love is the answer.