In the past week I've failed at realizing I can't get through life with just a girlfriend, friends, and family.
I get a lot of thinking done in the shower. I thought tonight that I can get through everything on my own. Through life. Through school. Through marriage. Through teenagerdom. I want to give an excuse for myself thinking that. But I have none. I am guilty of thinking Jesus is the least important of my friends. I started writing a post the other day about people judging other people, and as I'm typing I'm thinking how finishing that post and putting it up for all to see would mark me as the worst hypocrite of them all. Why, you ask?
Because I judge Jesus.
In the shower I thought about how Jesus sucks because He never gives me one of those moments of blissful redemption like in movies or something. I got annoyed because I'm in need of saving and I'm not close to my savior at all. I got mad at Jesus because I'm to lazy to do something about my own problems.
I always think of Jesus as an unsocial homeschooler because He never talks to me. But then I thought to myself that it's freaking ridiculous how I never talk to Him. I never say hi or ask how He's doing anymore. Instead I sit back and watch as He stands there begging with His eyes for conversation. For interaction. For me to grab hold of Him like I did when I was younger.
I'm good at doing my own thing at my own pace and hoping that Jesus will step in and keep time with me. I keep wanting Him to change my judgmental, critical, selfish self without my heart having to change.
But that's not going to happen.
I have to keep in time with Him.
He leads.
I follow.
