What would you do if you were British

Me and my friend Sarah had this conversation about what we would do if we were British. We would do this and that then end up marrying British people and live in the country side. Why do we, as humans want to be something we can never be? Why do our minds tell us we want to be something different other than ourselves. God like us when we're ourselves. I don't like being myself most of the time, because i am messed up, I have problems, My hair isn't always the way I like it, and I have acne. But God likes me. Thats gotta count for something.

Thoughts?

So we are His portion and He is our prize...

I want to be a sap when it comes to Jesus. I want to cry every time I hear His name. I don't like what the world does to me when it comes to being with Jesus everyday. It breaks me open and shoves a bunch of crap in my heart. It sucks. It happens to each and every one of us. And it sucks... I think that to get the crap out of my heart I need to break it open again and cry... Just sit there and cry. Sob. Weep. However you want to put it. I want to do that right now. I've read stories of people making little streams down aisle's in churches because of what God is pulling out of their hearts. It's beautiful. I've had moments where I would cry after a good worship service and some ministry time. But I don't want that anymore. I want a real "encounter". (I just want to say I hate that word. It makes me feel like i'm labeling God as an alien.) I need my heart torn apart. What would it feel like to touch the raw love of God. I like that word. Raw. It's a good word. I don't like it when we completely water everything about God down. It sucks. Anyways. I want to cry when I hear the word Jesus, or God. I want to be so controlled by Him. I don't just want a good healthy relationship with Him. I want more. I want a love so strong I start to sob when I think about it...

What do you think? How do you want to feel about God?

Like today never happened...

Why do I have problems? Why do you have problems? I don't like problems... They're annoying. What if we didn't have problems? What if we weren't addicted to pornography? What if we weren't alcoholics? I don't like having problems... I don't like having addictions. Except for coffee. Thats an okay addiction. But anyways. I think we have problems so that we go to God in the end. It's probably something like that. I guess thats cool to glorify God in the end. But I don't get it. I don't like having the urge to see a nude woman... I don't like my friend having the urge to cut himself. I want the urge to see Jesus. You know? What are your thoughts?


I don't like problems.

What Would It Take For You To Walk Towards Me?

What is an authentic Christian... Here's the definition of authentic:

1 obsolete : authoritative
2 a : worthy of acceptance or belief as conforming to or based on fact b : conforming to an original so as to reproduce essential features c : made or done the same way as an original
3 : not false or imitation : real, actual.

Well there you have it. I want to be an authentic Christian one day. I want to be real... I hate being fake. I used to judge people because they were fake in their walk with God. But I was just the same as them. They were probably more real than me. I want to be real... Do you?

Happy Fathers Day,

Jordan

Hey Unloving...

Soooooo... Yeah. Who am I? A distressed teen who doesn't know where to go in life? I lost follower of Jesus Christ? A kid that doesn't know right from wrong? Why the heck am I even writing this thing? Oh well.

Most of the time I waste my day away on the computer, or wishing I was some sort of rockstar. But i'm not. I'm a kid that is stuck home all summer, trying to do my best to stay out of trouble at home... Not really... But anyways... I play guitar. I have a black Ibanez AEG which I named Lucy... Most of the time i'm playing her i'm wishing I had a different guitar. Don't get me wrong, I love her. But she's not the greatest... I also have a Les Paul with a broken string at the moment... I'm sorta, not really teaching myself piano. And maybe start on drums... I don't know... Music is my life. My current favorite artist is John Mark McMillan... He gets really deep when it comes to putting Jesus and music together... I like it a lot. I am a hater of stereotypical christian music. Like all the terrible sounding bands that are on the radio... I doesn't sound good to me at all. I would rather listen to something like Michael Jackson, or Queen. In general... I like the good music. The stuff that makes you think. If my life were a song then it would be pretty climatic... If your life was a song how would you describe it?

Hmmmm... My life... A touchy subject. I have six siblings. Four boy's, two girls. I'm an uncle. It's pretty exciting to be fifteen and an uncle. Four nephews and one niece... My niece is the cutest little three-year old you'll ever meet. She'll dance with you if you ask. I used to hate the song Fireflies by Owl City until she asked me to dance with her to it... Now I love it. You can turn something unwanted into something beautiful can't you? Anyways... My dad is Class A Contractor... He's good at it. He used to live in Colorado and build log cabins. Thats a man job. I want a man job when i'm older. But that probably won't happen.

My dad likes interesting music. His favorite CD is the soundtrack from Gladiator. Over all he's a pretty epic guy. So it fits him... He would definitely be a gladiator if he lived back two thousand years. He would be the best. You know... The one that wins every challenge and then in the end swoops his lover of her feet and goes off into the sunset. That would be my dad. But he's not a gladiator. Oh well. I honestly wonder what God's song would be like. I'm thinking pretty amazing. I wonder what i'll be singing when I see Him in the end of the age... Probably something like this...

~You and I meet
On the shores of the broken
You swallow the ocean
I Swallow my pride
Only to see
The way that I need you
Is more than I knew
I ever could

In between the ashes and the flames
Is a cry an awkward silence
Could never contain
And the falling of my hammers
And the writhing of my pain
Is just not as real as the way
That your calling my name

I cant help thinking
That the way that you want me
And the ghost that haunts me
Are one and the same
Cause you stand at my window
At night wile I'm sleeping
There's not a promise I'm keeping
That could ever repay you

In between the ashes and the flames
There's a song that burns brighter
Than Radio waves
Bout the remnants of my Idols
And the shadow of my shame
About how they scatter like the rain and I can't stop crying
Cause you wont stop calling my name

Calling my name up from the ashes ~

Don't get me wrong. I did NOT write that song. It's called Ashes And Flames by John Mark McMillan. Go listen to it.

I feel like i'm writing a book. So now i'll conclude these ramblings of a fifteen year old guy who has nothing better to do...