Sunday, August 12, 2012

I may be weak.

Grrrrr..... I smell bad.

I eat a lot, I sleep a lot, I drank probably close to a slurpee a day last month, I haven't had coffee in a year and I get distracted while peeing.

I read a lot of inspirational books and bought a cello. I learned how to fix a radiator and I can sing high like Johnny Rzeznik. I haven't dated anyone in 5 months and I think that's a new record for me. I can crack every bone in my body and I'm not famous yet.

God is still pretty real in my life although at the moment I feel like I've stabbed Him a billion times in the back since I woke up this morning. He likes me a lot though and He's teaching me to be stronger everyday.

Last week I got to build a deck for a decrepit ex-marine who knew a lot about fig trees and shipping containers. She amused the crap out of me and even though she thought us teens were a bunch of retards she still loved our company and our work and that made me insanely happy.

I realized over that week how beautiful it is to help people and to just talk to them and get to know who they are instead of just thinking they're crabby and that they probably put splenda in everything.

I met a wonderful leader named Sami who came up to me with the most intimidating look ever and said to me in the most adult like voice "guard your heart. ". I laughed because I pretended didn't know what she was talking about and after I got a good chuckle out of it she pointed at me and said it again and then I knew that I was screwed. It scared the crap out of me.That was it. I'm done for. A freaking goner. I smiled and said I had that covered and later that night when I was chilling at midnight watching an ocean do it's oceaney things she popped up out of nowhere and said it again. I sat back and said that it was my plan and after she left I thought about that long and hard because I think that sentences like that have deeper meanings even though it's just my imagination.

I got home and thought long and hard about it again and then I realized that I was a retard.

Guard your heart from girls.
From peer pressure.
From lust.
From the demons that cling on to me
From unkind words.
From judging and gossip.
From every piece of crap that walks itself into my life.
Duh.

I think she meant mainly the girls though.... 

Sami was God sent.
My friends were God sent.
Mrs. Ruth the splenda lady was God sent.
I ate a lot of cookies that week and they were God sent.

I went on that trip expecting to be a mature adult that had all the answers and I came back feeling like a twelve year old who just realized that Legos aren't the coolest things in the world.

God is slowly figuring things out for me and I can't believe it. It's beautiful and exciting and I still screw things up for Him but He knows what to do and I get caught up in all of it and feel like Elizabeth Bennett after Mr. Darcy asks her to marry him. Even though I'm not as good looking as Keira Knightly.

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. ~ Proverbs 4:23

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