I am washed by the water...

WELL. I'm kinda disturbed by what my heart does to me. It's nothing bad but while my physical and mental being is standing still my heart does donuts around it.

I was at CIY again this past week. It moved me. A lot. I don't understand how. I don't understand why. I don't even know why I went this year. I really don't. Yes I wanted to get closer to God and CIY is a great way to learn how to do that. But my intentions were to really just hang out with friends and get out of the house. Honest. I feel terrible for saying that. But it was true. I knew the first night though, as we were seating ourselves in the auditorium, that something was going to be different.

The first year I went it was extremely weird, because it was the first time I spent a week away from home with people I didn't know. I was kinda an outcast and a kid made me cry because he was tougher then me and he proved it when I was being a freak. Hahaha (it's okay to laugh! Go for it! I just did!) Last year was different in the fact that I was learning to sing some sappy songs, I was single, and there were going to be a lot of girls. And I had a cool looking haircut. Don't get me wrong. Both years were ridiculous and definitely helped me with my walk with God. So that's good.
But my intentions weren't the same this year.
We watched a movie called Love Costs Everything about the persecuted Christian church. It was devastating and beautiful all in the same bundle. It was heart wrenching and amazing. I had to do something after watching it. But every time I say that I feel like I'm putting them up as candidates for charity. "we have to pray for them! We have to donate! We have to help them!" don't get me wrong. I'm not saying those are bad things. They aren't. By all means we should donate prayers, money, supplies, and effort to make they're lives easier. However... They don't need our help...
We need theirs...
They have everything they want and need.
God.
That's all that sustains them through back breaking work and constant threats. Yet us dumb American's need the new Ipad 4. Or 5. Or 6. Or which ever one they just made. AGAIN.
They're happy.
We're not.
Something is seriously screwed up here.
I pray that God makes us American's content with everything we have. I pray that He makes us not want anything but Him. We're spoiled rotten brats. And we think we don't need any help. When in reality we need as much help as possible...
Amen..