I Want To Love You

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL.

I'm a college student.
Sort of.
I take college classes.
I don't fall into the category of the typical community college pot smoker/smoker/person that enjoy the concept of smoking/person that enjoys drinking/person that still gets grounded by their parents/sex crazed/ "I will eat this cigarette butt for 3 bucks." person.

The amount of immaturity out there really baffles me.

However I'm reaaaaaally good at making Ramen Noodles in microwaves now...

Despite all the immaturity that follows me around in this swirling mess of a world, I find a lot of conviction and guilt.

I'm not one for being the typical Christian. But when I'm not that "pray every day and talk to people about Jesus" kind of person then I'm no person at all. I'm just a shell. A tall, rather skinny, and odd smelling shell. A   snail could live in me if it so desired. I'm that shellie.

I'm a shell because I was made to show others who God is, and every single day I'm alive, I fail at that.

God created us human beings to proclaim His name. Even if it means being uncomfortable or awkward. I found a victory the other day when a non Christian friend of mine asked me why I lost my voice. I told her I had lost it in church. Because I like singing to Jesus. She looked at me funny then told me she didn't like church. Then she at a muffin.

All conversation after that was hopeless but I'm glad I had enough courage to say that I love Jesus.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I honestly don't. I probably saw in a movie somewhere that writing your thoughts out can get you rich and famous. Or it enlightens you and then BAM! You're Gandhi.

But no. I just ate chocolate and then decided to brush my teeth so now my mouth is some sort of chemical farm that tastes like a mixture of old pennies and those dinner rolls from Golden Corral.

My point is.

God created us. God created us to be like Him. We need to be like Him. We could be the only bit of God that people will see in this world. We could be the only sort of love or boldness someone is changed by. We can't just be some bones walking around showing people that we give money to churches that don't need it or the people that throw pizza parties when we think someone is going to kill themselves.

We need to be bold.
Very bold.
So that our boldness destroys walls that Satan has put up in peoples' hearts.
So that our courage brings light into dark places.
So that our love heals those that have been broken.

And in the end...

Everything has gone past me in a blur.
It's already March.
Daaaaaaaang.

The way God moves is ridiculous. He comes and goes and He doesn't talk to me sometimes. He really wants me to figure out who He is.
There have been a lot of times in the past two years that I've given up on God, on trusting Him, on obeying Him, on loving Him, and on receiving the love He gives to me. In all honesty there have been times where I have wanted nothing to do with my Savior. After all. We can't see Him or feel Him.

In everything I do I can feel His eyes on me. Wanting me, longing for me.
It's very scary sometimes and very beautiful at other times. And sometimes I want to hide in my world of sin even though I know He can still see through it. And other times I want to strip myself of everything bad and nasty and stand there with my naked heart exposed.

I heard a man today saying in front of his congregation that if Jesus was in the room sitting with us then we wouldn't have any problem worshiping our butts off. But every time we go to worship most of us go there with only fractions of our heart actually longing for intimacy. It's devastating.

I have hope that God has a plan though.
He always does.

Something in the way Your eyes speak...

It's the third day of this brand new year of 2012. And I don't understand.

Aren't we all supposed to be dead or something? Disappointing.

So far this year has been ridiculous. New years day was an emotional roller coaster and wanted me to dumb things and thankfully a dear friend of mine told me I was stupid. And now that I think of it, it makes me happy. I realized when I got home from my sisters that I've only had four hours of sleep the night before.... Thus my insanity was explained... I laughed a lot.

I've kinda lost touch with a lot of things. Like my love for Coldplay... Because my mp3 player has been dropped so many times and deletes music at it's own will and deleted all of my Coldplay albums... It makes me sad.

I thank God for the past two years. Because I've found a lot of things. Beautiful people to be exact. Inside and out... They make me happy. Without the love and happiness they bring to my life, I'd probably be dead. I think a community of beautiful people is what God intended for everyone to be involved in. If it weren't for my friends and family I'd be screwed.... I thank you all for the love. It's perfect.


This is totally random.. but who cares.

I'm addicted, I'm needy, I'm lost without You...

The other day was awesome. But I realized that I'm pretty screwed up in the brain.

But first off, I had chocolate ice cream, and I put chocolate chips in it. It was like crunchy heaven. Magical.

Gossip sounds like something only old ladies do. Last night I was standing in my bathroom and I thought to myself "blah blah blah did blah blah blah.". Then something caught me off guard and said to me "you have no right to be thinking these things. You have no right to even repeat them in any context whatsoever.". I break people down, even the ones I care about a lot, so badly. I talk bad about people I don't even know. We screw a lot of things up when we say the slightest thing bad about someone when everything that Jesus has taught us, tells us to build them up no matter what.

I want to start a mission to start building people up instead of bringing them down. Even just small things. Like "he's just a jerk" or "she really needs to stop doing that because she's just stupid.". I don't think my generation understands how much words hurt. I know people that have gotten into more then they can bear because someone talked down to them. I'm not just talking about being sad, I'm talking about people that cut, do drugs, sleep around, and constantly think of killing themselves because they we're hurt by someones words.
It needs to stop.
End of story.

He's raising the dead in the graveyards where we've laid down our dreams...

Well. The school year has started. And so far I'm already a week behind in Algebra II. That's chill.

It's rained a lot in the past weeks. Like. A lot. A lot of people I know find a lot of meaning in the rain. Like it's some sort of religion. I'm not saying that is what people think of rain, it's just what it seems like to me. It's kinda funny. I think rain is cool because I would never have thought of making something that would fall from the sky in tiny liquid pellets. And make everything grow. I suppose that's why God is God. Because He thinks of these things.

My back feels weird.

I think us humans should stop trying to take control of our lives. They're not even ours in the long run. We just get to make the choices.
In all honesty we don't deserve to live. We think we do.

I don't understand everything that goes on in this world. I don't understand what half of my friends feel when they tell me that something is wrong. 10 years ago a lot of people died in the Twin Towers and I can't even begin to understand what the families of dead relatives feel when they think of it. I have friends that don't have parents, or have just one parent. I have friends that have to cut themselves or drink themselves to sleep. I have some friends that are pregnant and don't know what to do. I have friends that don't know left from right because their minds are so screwed up on drugs.

There are people dying and brokenhearted everywhere and all I do is sit back and relax and watch it like it's the next hottest TV show. It's starting to eat away at me. It really is.

This really matters to me. Nothing more in my life besides God has mattered to me more then this. The fact that even though I feel fine, I don't feel the pain of the people I love. I want too. I long too, so that hopefully I can help them. I don't want to be Jesus to them. I just want to be able to do more then just watch.

I want to live by love. Not just sit back and watch my friends roll around in their pain.

I think that's what Jesus would do.
I want to do that too.

How do we get so far, from the way we used to be?

I'm kinda drained because. I don't know... I'm lazy? Yeah. Cool. I want celery.

I get tired of emotions. Mainly because they create themselves in my soul then decide to try and kill each other. It's weird. That might drain me. I don't know.

I think Jesus put's emotions in us so that we know when something feels right. You know? You know that giving a glass of water to a thirsty person is right because you can just feel it. You know that taking that glass of lovely water away from said thirsty person is wrong because you can just feel it. I think when someone murders someone else they know it's wrong. They feel it deep down inside that's it's wrong you know? Maybe they don't. I'm not inside the soul of a murderer. But you never know.

I feel like me and my generation rape our emotions for all their worth then throw them out the window. It's painful. I don't like it. Why do I do that? Why is that my first and only instinct? No one knows.

I don't think Jesus created our hearts to be that way. I really don't. I think he created them to love a whole lot. And to stay that way and never change. And to love unconditionally and beat down any emotions of hate, pride, selfishness, and anger. Yeah. I think that's right.

If Jesus could only wash my feet...

I almost cried more then five times watching a movie the other day. AND. We are out of celery... Again.

Hot tea is wonderful because it's wonderful.

I've been thinking about stuff lately... Some of it completely irrelevant to anything going on in my life, or your life, or anyone else's life for that matter. Isn't that just wonderful? I've been thinking... The same thing that possessed those guys in the Bible to start loving and taking people into the body of Christ is in each one of us. I think it's the Holy Spirit... but no one knows.

I've been listening to weird music, for example I just listened to the entire four and a half minutes of Love The Way You Lie by Eminem and Beyonce. And if you know me then you know that I rarely listen to music like that. I listen to Cady Groves when I'm working and Romance On A Rocketship before I go to bed. ANYWAYS. I'm kinda torn because I see all these musicians and singers wasting their lives away on nothing. The one thing I want is to be standing with all my brothers and sisters lifting our weary gaze to heaven and screaming out our empty songs to the beautiful God who created our hearts.

I don't know what I'm getting at. But it feels deep at the moment. Kinda like that moment when you're a little kid in a big kid pool. And you know if you keep walking out the water isn't going to get anymore shallow then it already is... If that makes sense.

I was at a concert in a bar. John Mark McMillan to be exact. It was a while ago and I have no idea why I'm bringing it up now. ANYWAYS. I was standing there with a bunch of strangers who were drinking beer listening to them and the entire audience singing "World, I've overcome you world!" Over and over again even after John stopped playing and everyone was off stage. It was heart-wrenching. Literally.

Everytime I hear Eminem's songs I pray that one day a man of his influential status would learn of Jesus' beauty and love and come to know Him and sing songs in His home for forever.

It kills my inside feely thingys when I think about the fact that no matter what there will be people left here on earth when Jesus brings me home, and the fact that I can't sing with them for eternity is even more sad. But I want to sing a song with Eminem in heaven. And Beyonce.... And Cady Groves...

This was completely random and somewhat pointless.
Enjoy!

"Today, seems the perfect day, to get carried away."

On The Brightside ~ NeverShoutNever


I met a man of two feet tall
This man was quite ambitious
In a world that is so vicious to us all
I said, "Hi," as he replied
He said, "Listen to these words
That I have lived by my whole life

"You're only as tall as your heart will let you be
And you're only as small as the world will make you seem
When the going gets rough and you feel like you may fall
Just look on the brightside - you're roughly six feet tall"

I met a man of 12 feet tall
He towered like a giant
In a world that was defiant of his height
I said, "Hi," as he replied
He said, "Listen to these words
That I have dreaded my whole life

"You're only as tall as your heart will let you be
And you're only as small as the world will make you seem
When the going gets rough and you feel like you may fall
Just look on the brightside - you're roughly six feet tall."

I am a man of six feet tall
Just looking for some answers
In a world that answers none of them at all
I'll say, "Hi," but not reply
To the letters that you write
Because I found some peace of mind

Cause I'm only as tall as my heart will let me be
And I'm only as small as the world will make me seem
When the going gets rough and I feel like I may fall
I'll look on the brightside - I'm roughly six feet tall.


There are to many depressed people out there. These are some lyrics to cheer you up...

You're more real then, the ground I'm standing on...

It's 11:43 and while I'm complaining about how chapped my lips are, people are dying. Great.
Yesterday I learned that one dollar gives a kid in Africa clean water for a year.
Why is it that us spoiled American's have to have something in return when we give something. I'm not saying that everyone is like that. But in general. Most of us are.

Unfortunately there are a lot of those people in the church.
Why is it that the church, the body of Jesus, is selfish?! Why is it that pride and dignity kill off people physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It annoys me.
I really want some celery.
Jesus washed the feet of His disciples, He stooped low to pick the crappiest people up out of the dirt. And yet when we say we are aiming to be like Jesus we only try to build ourselves up into this weird looking churchy, pride consumed robot. Once again. I'm not saying that's how EVERYONE is. But generally, and in the broad sense, we are.
To be like Jesus we have to forget about us. It does us no good whatsoever to be all about ourselves.
Love is selfless and will give anything to benefit others. Jesus is the pure and holy definition of love. To be in the likeness of Jesus, we must grasp love. Do you understand?
Love means... Going to someplace like...
http://activewater.org/
And donating even just a dollar to make sure a kid doesn't die from dirty water.

If thoughts define me, then You're inside me...

I just cracked my neck. Cool.

I was listening to All Creatures by David Crowder (listen to it.) yesterday in the car. And I kept imagining the landscape twisting and contorting to a glorious masterpiece to honor the King. You know. Like... Something from Avatar. Or Alice in Wonderland. But cooler and in real life. I almost started crying at the beauty of it all because it wasn't just me imagining something. It was God working through me. In the weirdest way imaginable.

You know when you need to explain something you're feeling but... You just can't.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I feel quite confused and broken. All there is to life is to simply press farther into the grasping love of Christ. But getting to the point where we can just walk into it is the most difficult thing ever. I'm not ready whatsoever, yet I can't wait till I'm standing at the gate of heaven. Can you imagine? No you can't. I can't either. I have a wild imagination. Like honestly. I do. It's my goal to have the imagination of a five year old. Jesus works in your imagination better than anything your brain will ever process. ANYWAYS.

It's one of those nights where How He Loves by John Mark McMillan is on repeat and everything inside of me feels tired and wants to be revived and lively and my hands can't wait to hold Jesus'. I think I could sing all night and be happy. But I can't. Because everyone in the house is asleep and would punch me in the face.

I guess what I'm trying to get out in this overly excessive contraption of a blog post is that God loves me more than I know. And that He doesn't care what I feel like, or what I think of Him, or how I'm doing in this life, because He is so consumed with the actions, thoughts, and the reality of Him loving this infant-like, pride-consumed, wretchedly dignified soul of mine. That's what I feel.

I pray wholeheartedly that Jesus utilizes my imagination for something more of Him.
Wouldn't that be nifty?

I just cracked my neck again.

Celery is the bomb.

Yeah, It's chill.

I'm watching my little nephews run around the house like hyper-positive sugar addicts.
They understand love, and life, and Jesus better than anyone I know.
They're my role models.
Honestly.
They are.
I need more coffee.

This is the start, this is your heart...

Well... I think Jesus really likes me... Like. Everyone in church goes around saying "Jesus loves you!"... Most everyone just nods their heads and says "He loves you too!". Am I right? Eggzactly. When someone says that to me, I don't really take it to heart. It get's kinda annoying too sometimes. But oh well. ANYWAYS. Once you really start thinking about it... It's true and quite extraordinary. Jesus loves ME. He loves YOU. Think of you loving your favorite teddy bear as a kid. If it ripped. Your heart ripped. If it got lost, you were lost.
Jesus is the dude. You're the teddy bear.

Well. There you have it. Easy enough. Let your imagination feast on that when someone says "Jesus loves you.". I truly believe your imagination is paired with the love of Christ. That's cool. It makes me feel like a little kid. I like that feeling. We're all little kids in Jesus' eyes. Cool.

Remember. You're the teddy bear. Jesus is the human.
Cool.

If You're a hand grenade, I'll pull the pin.

So I've been thinking lately. Shocker. I know. BUT. I've been thinking about Jesus. I think out minds were created to think about Jesus. Like. That's that. End of story. You know what I mean? I suppose if the dude created it then He deserves to be on it a lot. ANYWAYS. As I said already. I'VE BEEN THINKING. I'm a messed up dude. Like. I honestly am. I am in no way perfect. I have a jacked up mind. A messed up heart. And a screwed up soul. I struggle with depression, oppression, jealousy, hatred, sadness, hurt and anger like the rest of us. It's something that follows us in this world.

NOW. If you're a troubled teen like myself then most likely the reaction you would get from me talking about the death and resurrection of Christ is nothing more than the reaction of a bag of potato chips. Am I right? That whole story is watered down and to some it's painful to hear it over and over again. Sorta like Easter Sunday on repeat minus the candy. Painful.
You have to look at this in depth. And by in depth I don't mean history, definition sorta stuff. I mean. Raw, bloody, bright depth.

Imagine this.
Jesus. A weird dude comes up to you and says nothing but you know deep down inside He holds a love that can't even be perceived in the human mind. Imagine you sitting there watching Him tied to a post with whips at His back. Like. You think dissecting a frog in Biology is gross. Raw flesh is being ripped off His back all the while you're staring like dumbfounded ghost. Next you see Him walking with a cross on His back up a hill. The nails are forced through His hands. He's just hanging there like He planned on that happening. But the part that will strike a chord in you somewhere is that you were ALWAYS on His mind through it all. It doesn't matter if you wanted to be on His mind or not. You were no matter what. No matter how much you've gone through. No matter what pain you've experienced. No matter what you struggle with or have to fight through everyday. Jesus has you on His mind. It still sounds watered down to me.

He loves you.

Do you know the muffin man?

So I'm tired and worn out. My nose is a little runny and my throat feels scratchy. Cool.
On the bright side, I just ate a banana muffin.
I really am trying to embrace the fact that God has something beautiful come out of everything that involves suffering. I was talking to my mom about some serious issues in my life and she said something along the lines of "It's obviously nothing God can't fix."
What happens when you eat food? Your body DESTROYS and breaks down the stuff you're feeding yourself to supply nutrients to the human body.
What happens when you sleep? You crash for however long but wake up refreshed and energized (sometimes).
What happens when you plant a seed? You shove it in some mud and a beautiful plant comes up from where you piled on crap loads of dirt on a little speck of a seed.
Something beautiful grows from the stalling, striving, and pain in life.
You throw some mud on a situation and it honestly looks like a piece of crap. But in the long run, something springs up out of it in the form of something beautiful.
What if you ate something and you pooped it out exactly as it went in. It would have done absolutely nothing for you.
If you believe in the one God that created you and I then it's only a matter of time till we all realize that beauty comes from pain.
Jesus loves you. It's true.
That muffin was tasty.

Jesus is a friend of mine...

I like celery a lot. It makes me happy. I can walk around the house crunching on celery all day. It's tasty.
Jesus made celery for me. He's a nice guy.
He also loves me. Enough to make celery for me.
It makes me happy when I think about it.
I like celery.
I like Jesus.
He's cool...



I like peanut butter too.
And hugs...
And Chinese food.
And Spongebob.

Stay for a while...

Stay for a while
I've got nothing else to lose but you
Though you're in pain
But I'm begging you to hold on tight
Tell me I'll be alright

No matter where you go
I will keep you safe
Don't ever be afraid
The stars are shining bright
Through cold and endless nights
I will always always be with you

Chained to your bedside
but I never wanna be set free

Somehow I see more life in you
yet I'm the one without a disease
Oh please tell me that I'm alright

No matter where you go
I will keep you safe
Don't ever be afraid
The stars are shining bright
Through cold and endless nights
I will always always be with you

Lou's Song ~ Jason Upton feat. Micah Lother

Breaker.

For Today is an amazing band. These are the lyrics to four of their songs. I know you might not think this could match up with what you're feeling. But it does. It does with everyone.
We're all in this together.


The Breakers Origin~

Fear
Pain
Confusion
Powerless
Hopelessness.
How can I break this cycle of hopelessness
When I'm broken, soaked in the spirit of anger
With the roots of bitterness
Rooted in the marrow of my bones
Flourishing through my soul
Oh my soul.

The Breakers Valley~

Sick and tired
Trapped
My body wrapped with sharp pain because my body wasn't made to contain all this rage
My mind wasn't made
My eyes weren't made
My soul was not made to behold what shackles my soul now
Bound by the memories of being innocent
Uncle sinning against me, sexually
Momma knew he was molesting me, smacking me across my face
I could do nothing
Pops wasn't around to give me the time of the day
All I wanted was the and the place where I could be loved
A hug from my mom was too much
So I turned to the net while I was hooked like a fish
As I click, click, clicked to watch porn flicks
Trying to find intimacy
Or an outlet at least
But as I try to breathe and be at ease
I see my mom in hell and the devil's breath through the glass pipe
I'm shattered in a flash
Fright and brokenness is the aftermath
Brokenness is my aftermath.

The Breakers Encounter~

As I was thinking
Back to a day
Where it was mid-day
But the sky was black like midnight
Seeing a lifeless body impaled by nails
Suffering at the blast of hell
Caught my attention cause it looked like a blood bath
As I looked past
And saw a broken man
Soaked in the white hot wrath of God
And I asked why
I found some answers in His bloody face
A face I began to recognize in the background of every instance of my life I ignored
Suddenly sense these spirits flooding, soothing my rude, rude soul
Though ruined by the world's view
He wooed me
Though crude and screwed up out of my mind
He pursued me
He made me holy
Whole.

The Breakers Commission~

Life
Love
Forgiveness
Acceptance
Stripping demons right off my back trying to leach life off me
Get off me and feel my Fathers fury, oppressor
One day you'll feel the full blast of His vengeance Beelzebub
But for now I'll love
Cause our God's strength
He blew courage in my backbone
Now I'll stand straight and militant lining up in Jehovah's battalion
Knowing you can't change Him so we march forward
Swift as eagles ready to grip souls from your grass
Slick snake in a crass
My Lord sees you and vengeance is His
But for no I retaliate
Propelled by a holy mandate to heal
Because I know how bad it hurts
Full of madness at first
But now
Gladness bursts out the seams of our beings
Cause we overflow with the oil of joy
The ointment of the anointed
Mending any torn soul
Healing any broken bone
He is here
He was there
He is peace
He is faith

When everything's said and done, You're all I really have. Amidst these setting suns...

A dear friend of mine and my families passed away this morning. When my parents moved to Virginia in 85 and my father started a construction business, my dad hired his first employee who just so happened to be the same man that died today. My dad was in this mans wedding. My dad worked for the man when he didn't have any work. And vice versa. I can't recall a single moment when I was in the same room as the man when he was being serious. Even when he was talking about something as serious as God, he never was super duper serious. Just mildly serious. And he'd always be cracking jokes.

Now.

You may think. "oh great he'll say 'lets take a lesson from this.'" but no. I don't like lessons. You go to Chemistry and History classes for "lessons". This man has a story. I don't even know what it is. I'm not even allowed to read his story unless he lets me. But the most beautiful thing I've realized today is that it's still being written. But even better. It's being written without any pain or trials incorporated into the script. It's being written in the most perfect handwriting. It's being written under the most elaborate scenes. It's being written by the hand of the one who created him in the first place. Kinda like that perfect book you know you have to find. So you can sit back and relax reading it under a tangerine sky. You know what I'm talking about. Anyways. It's things like these that keeps hope alive in the sense that no matter how much crap is forcefully shoved into our lives. There will be unfathomable beauty in the end.

Ecclesiastes 3:11
Look it up. And my point shall be proven.

Here's to you Dan White.
Can't wait to see you soon.
And soon it will be.

The Tin-man has got nothing on me...

Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.

Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.



What is your first reaction to hurt? Shriveling up in a corner. Obviously. Is that what you should do? Probably not.
Everything our lives are based upon is either made of beauty or pain. God created you inside of your mothers womb and it was beautiful. You were born and your mother had to go through the pain of labor but something beautiful came out of it. Something incredible. YOU. Adam was created in the Garden. Beauty. Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit. Pain and suckyness. Jesus died to take away that hurt. Beauty from pain. What am I getting at? I don't even know.
What if we had no pain? What if hurt was gone. There will be a day that we all enter past the gates of heaven and it disappears. But we're obviously stuck on a world with a lot of pain.

Kids are aborted. Children are starving orphans. Parents get divorced. And through the thick of it there is this weird, crazy guy named Jesus standing there. I know a LOT of people that wish they couldn't feel any pain. Or feel any hurt or rejection. I for one wish a lot of things didn't hurt.

But what if we found out how to make our hearts no hurt anymore? Obviously that's impossible without a crap load of help from the Jesus dude. But the point is this.
If it weren't for hurt and pain and suffering. We would be nowhere. We would be ghosts walking across oceans and bare hills. We would be the Tin Man waling back and forth looking for a heart.
The Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz originated when Nick Chopper (aka the tin man before becoming the tin man) had a spell cast on his axe by the evil Witch of The West. And in using the axe he accidentally kept chopping off his limbs. He replace them with prosthetic "tin" limbs. Eventually. Everything in his body was replaced with tin. And his heart was left out.

We go through life chopping down our trees then something comes along and makes it to were we start chopping off our own limbs. And we're forced to replace them with quick and easy "tin" - like answers. But in the equation we leave out the thing God put in us to keep us real and sane. Our hearts.

I say this to make you realize that if we become neutral and numb, then everything around us doesn't matter. Everything you love and have loved becomes ash. It really does. Hell, I can't tell you what to do. But you go around saying nothing matters and that you don't care and then you tell me that you're happy. You won't be.

The quote at the top of this page is from Lord of the Rings. Gandalf and Frodo are sitting there chillaxen and Frodo says he wished none of these bad things have happened. And Gandalf is like "dude. It did happen. We have to deal with it. But we also have to decide what we're going to do with what opportunities we have." Can I get an amen? We can wish all we want that things never happened. But we more so need to look at what's on our plate and decided if we're going to throw it away or eat it. Got that? Beauty evolves from pain. It takes time. It always does. But we have to decide if we're going to sit there saying "i don't care. i'm numb. i don't want to feel anything." Or look at this ever present beauty and love that surrounds us in the arms Christ. It's real. It's so real.

Lou's Song ~ Jason Upton. Look it up. Kay? Kay.

Topics

She spent the night out with a guy who gives attention when she cries herself to sleep, I heard her say...
And so she gives him what he wants as long as he can make her feel okay, but she's not okay

And we avoid the topics, we make the kids have secrets
When they are exposed and everyone else knows
We'll say we never knew it, that they had a problem
'Cause if we would have known, we surely would have solved it
But we can't, it's too late, I said we can't it's too late

He's skipping classes 'cause he hates them, hopes he passes, not to take them all again, I heard him say...
He escapes them with the pills, the ones he takes to make him feel like he's okay, but he's not okay

And we avoid the topics, we make the kids have secrets
And when they are exposed and everyone else knows
We'll say we never knew it, that they had a problem
'Cause if we would have known, we surely would have solved it
But we can't, it's too late, I said we can't it's too late

God you've gotta save us, we hide behind the faces that we make to disguise
The things that were ashamed of and all the ugly things that make us close our eyes
They make us close our eyes, why do we close our eyes?

We avoid the topics, we make the kids have secrets
When they are exposed and everyone else knows
We'll say we never knew it, that they had a problem
'Cause if we would have known, we surely would have solved it

~ Nevertheless.