Son of David... Don't pass me by.

I read a blog post from a friend saying she felt as if her life was a dream. Her dad died this year, and she's pretty broken about it. It isn't easy. Not at all. She is pretty much on a roller coaster now from what I've seen, heard, and what she's told me. I myself have been on a roller coaster... Probably nothing close to what my friend is on... But pretty close. Back to the dream part. I just finished listening to the song "Closer" by John Mark McMillan and he sings

Come closer, closer to me.
Find me broken, find me bleedin'
cause I need more now than a fairy tale,
a god who lives in a book.
I need someone real.

So would you come?
Would you come?
If i begged you, would you come closer to me now?

Come closer, closer to me.
Find me broken, find me on my knees,
cause I need more now than philosophy.
Some god in outer space doesn't mean anything to me.

So would you come?
Would you come?
If I begged you, would you come closer to me now?
Would you come?
Would you come?
If i begged you, would you come closer to me now?

Son of David, do not pass me by,
cause I am naked,
I'm poor and I'm blind.
Son of david, don't pass me by,
cause I am naked,
I'm poor and I'm blind.

Why do we live in a dream? Why is it the media is a dream world? Where they talk about how celebrity's should be our role models and how the needs and problems of the world are just talked about. Why is it we as humans would rather have a dream than reality? This frustrates me. I feel like the Christian church is teaching me to just dream of being with Jesus until I die and go to heaven. I feel like my generation is taught to just dream of sitting at the feet of Christ. Not actually live it. It's annoying because for the longest time I thought I had to fast and pray in my sleep. Nothing is wrong with that at all. Not at all. But you see. I can't fast because I have the metabolism of a horse. I eat a lot and burn fat by sitting. For about a month I was frustrated because I couldn't get close to God because I can't fast. It was realllllllllly frustrating because everyone around me was on this spiritual high from fasting and it was killing me. God isn't something that needs to be striven for. He loves me if I'm stuffing my face or if I'm starving. He isn't a fairy tale that can only be dreamed about. He is a reality. That should be shoved into my brain as well as yours. He's more real than that roller coaster you're on.

Learning To Breathe...

Last night I was at this place called The Prayer Furnace in Fredricksburg out here in Virginia. It's awesome. Everyone there is so dear to me. I love it. But last night was realllllllly weird. I was standing there because there is no room to sit most of the time. And the worship music was blaring and it was at least 95 degrees in there. And I couldn't stand it. I had to breathe. I had to have silence. I walked out of the room and went outside and sat on my brothers car. I took out my mp3 player and put on some John Mark McMillan. I just sat and stared out at the stars. I couldn't stop my mind from running around in circles. As of this moment and a couple weeks prior, I'be been confused about being confused. I'm confused about some many things, God, my life, the whole "Love is the answer" concept. I can't wrap my mind around any of it. I sat there on the hood of Matt's little Nissan and wondered what I would do if I had it all figured out. Eventually after about fifteen minutes I saw a shooting star and made a wish. I don't know why I wished. I knew it wouldn't come true. Then I sat there and thought "what am I going to do?". Love is something you can't wrap your head around. God is something you can't wrap your head around. Your life is something you can't wrap your head around, except for the fact you're alive. It's annoying of course. But it's the process of being closer to Jesus Himself. We're all just learning to breathe...

He Is Jealous For Me... Part 2.

I started to ponder that line... He Is Jealous For Me. Let me start with this. I am frustrated with so many things right now. One of the big things is why do we reduce everything spiritual and everything not spiritual down to some form of math or science? I hate it. I do it so much myself. God is not math. He isn't something or someone we can just comprehend by writing out an equation. Jesus is not science. End of story. Except not really. Because I can't grasp that fact. Anyways back to the point. I kept hearing this line "He is jealous for me" in my head. What the heck does "jealous" even mean. I looked up the definition, there was only one that I think would remotely describe the jealousy i'm talking about.

Adjective.
~ solicitous or vigilant in maintaining or guarding something: exmp. "The American people are jealous of their freedom."

Dictionary's are extremely handy, don't get me wrong. But a word like this. It's something that was reduced to math and science. Now I bet Mister Webster Dude wasn't super spiritual or anything. But why would a human want to turn something beautiful into math. It doesn't make sense to me.

What i'm trying to get at is this. We are in this world till we die. I believe God is jealous that the world has us and He doesn't at the moment. Thats what it feels like to me. I think when John Mark McMillan wrote that line, that's what he was thinking. I don't even know what i'm getting at. But God knows. Anyways. Last night I was reading my Bible and something significant happened. I was sorta staring at Psalms and thinking "why am I not having a crazy epiphany or explanation to all of this." I literally put my entire head on the pages and thought, "what would happen if I literally shoved the pages into my mouth and ate them", then today as I was thinking about I realized that I don't need to memorize the whole bible. Or fast for weeks one end. What I could do if I realized God loves me? What if I can stop reducing Jesus and His love for me down to math? Jealousy is deeper than a definition.