I Want To Love You

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL.

I'm a college student.
Sort of.
I take college classes.
I don't fall into the category of the typical community college pot smoker/smoker/person that enjoy the concept of smoking/person that enjoys drinking/person that still gets grounded by their parents/sex crazed/ "I will eat this cigarette butt for 3 bucks." person.

The amount of immaturity out there really baffles me.

However I'm reaaaaaally good at making Ramen Noodles in microwaves now...

Despite all the immaturity that follows me around in this swirling mess of a world, I find a lot of conviction and guilt.

I'm not one for being the typical Christian. But when I'm not that "pray every day and talk to people about Jesus" kind of person then I'm no person at all. I'm just a shell. A tall, rather skinny, and odd smelling shell. A   snail could live in me if it so desired. I'm that shellie.

I'm a shell because I was made to show others who God is, and every single day I'm alive, I fail at that.

God created us human beings to proclaim His name. Even if it means being uncomfortable or awkward. I found a victory the other day when a non Christian friend of mine asked me why I lost my voice. I told her I had lost it in church. Because I like singing to Jesus. She looked at me funny then told me she didn't like church. Then she at a muffin.

All conversation after that was hopeless but I'm glad I had enough courage to say that I love Jesus.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I honestly don't. I probably saw in a movie somewhere that writing your thoughts out can get you rich and famous. Or it enlightens you and then BAM! You're Gandhi.

But no. I just ate chocolate and then decided to brush my teeth so now my mouth is some sort of chemical farm that tastes like a mixture of old pennies and those dinner rolls from Golden Corral.

My point is.

God created us. God created us to be like Him. We need to be like Him. We could be the only bit of God that people will see in this world. We could be the only sort of love or boldness someone is changed by. We can't just be some bones walking around showing people that we give money to churches that don't need it or the people that throw pizza parties when we think someone is going to kill themselves.

We need to be bold.
Very bold.
So that our boldness destroys walls that Satan has put up in peoples' hearts.
So that our courage brings light into dark places.
So that our love heals those that have been broken.

I may be weak.

Grrrrr..... I smell bad.

I eat a lot, I sleep a lot, I drank probably close to a slurpee a day last month, I haven't had coffee in a year and I get distracted while peeing.

I read a lot of inspirational books and bought a cello. I learned how to fix a radiator and I can sing high like Johnny Rzeznik. I haven't dated anyone in 5 months and I think that's a new record for me. I can crack every bone in my body and I'm not famous yet.

God is still pretty real in my life although at the moment I feel like I've stabbed Him a billion times in the back since I woke up this morning. He likes me a lot though and He's teaching me to be stronger everyday.

Last week I got to build a deck for a decrepit ex-marine who knew a lot about fig trees and shipping containers. She amused the crap out of me and even though she thought us teens were a bunch of retards she still loved our company and our work and that made me insanely happy.

I realized over that week how beautiful it is to help people and to just talk to them and get to know who they are instead of just thinking they're crabby and that they probably put splenda in everything.

I met a wonderful leader named Sami who came up to me with the most intimidating look ever and said to me in the most adult like voice "guard your heart. ". I laughed because I pretended didn't know what she was talking about and after I got a good chuckle out of it she pointed at me and said it again and then I knew that I was screwed. It scared the crap out of me.That was it. I'm done for. A freaking goner. I smiled and said I had that covered and later that night when I was chilling at midnight watching an ocean do it's oceaney things she popped up out of nowhere and said it again. I sat back and said that it was my plan and after she left I thought about that long and hard because I think that sentences like that have deeper meanings even though it's just my imagination.

I got home and thought long and hard about it again and then I realized that I was a retard.

Guard your heart from girls.
From peer pressure.
From lust.
From the demons that cling on to me
From unkind words.
From judging and gossip.
From every piece of crap that walks itself into my life.
Duh.

I think she meant mainly the girls though.... 

Sami was God sent.
My friends were God sent.
Mrs. Ruth the splenda lady was God sent.
I ate a lot of cookies that week and they were God sent.

I went on that trip expecting to be a mature adult that had all the answers and I came back feeling like a twelve year old who just realized that Legos aren't the coolest things in the world.

God is slowly figuring things out for me and I can't believe it. It's beautiful and exciting and I still screw things up for Him but He knows what to do and I get caught up in all of it and feel like Elizabeth Bennett after Mr. Darcy asks her to marry him. Even though I'm not as good looking as Keira Knightly.

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. ~ Proverbs 4:23

And in the end...

Everything has gone past me in a blur.
It's already March.
Daaaaaaaang.

The way God moves is ridiculous. He comes and goes and He doesn't talk to me sometimes. He really wants me to figure out who He is.
There have been a lot of times in the past two years that I've given up on God, on trusting Him, on obeying Him, on loving Him, and on receiving the love He gives to me. In all honesty there have been times where I have wanted nothing to do with my Savior. After all. We can't see Him or feel Him.

In everything I do I can feel His eyes on me. Wanting me, longing for me.
It's very scary sometimes and very beautiful at other times. And sometimes I want to hide in my world of sin even though I know He can still see through it. And other times I want to strip myself of everything bad and nasty and stand there with my naked heart exposed.

I heard a man today saying in front of his congregation that if Jesus was in the room sitting with us then we wouldn't have any problem worshiping our butts off. But every time we go to worship most of us go there with only fractions of our heart actually longing for intimacy. It's devastating.

I have hope that God has a plan though.
He always does.

Something in the way Your eyes speak...

It's the third day of this brand new year of 2012. And I don't understand.

Aren't we all supposed to be dead or something? Disappointing.

So far this year has been ridiculous. New years day was an emotional roller coaster and wanted me to dumb things and thankfully a dear friend of mine told me I was stupid. And now that I think of it, it makes me happy. I realized when I got home from my sisters that I've only had four hours of sleep the night before.... Thus my insanity was explained... I laughed a lot.

I've kinda lost touch with a lot of things. Like my love for Coldplay... Because my mp3 player has been dropped so many times and deletes music at it's own will and deleted all of my Coldplay albums... It makes me sad.

I thank God for the past two years. Because I've found a lot of things. Beautiful people to be exact. Inside and out... They make me happy. Without the love and happiness they bring to my life, I'd probably be dead. I think a community of beautiful people is what God intended for everyone to be involved in. If it weren't for my friends and family I'd be screwed.... I thank you all for the love. It's perfect.


This is totally random.. but who cares.

What comes is better then what came before...

In the past week I've failed at realizing I can't get through life with just a girlfriend, friends, and family.

I get a lot of thinking done in the shower. I thought tonight that I can get through everything on my own. Through life. Through school. Through marriage. Through teenagerdom. I want to give an excuse for myself thinking that. But I have none. I am guilty of thinking Jesus is the least important of my friends. I started writing a post the other day about people judging other people, and as I'm typing I'm thinking how finishing that post and putting it up for all to see would mark me as the worst hypocrite of them all. Why, you ask?

Because I judge Jesus.

In the shower I thought about how Jesus sucks because He never gives me one of those moments of blissful redemption like in movies or something. I got annoyed because I'm in need of saving and I'm not close to my savior at all. I got mad at Jesus because I'm to lazy to do something about my own problems.
I always think of Jesus as an unsocial homeschooler because He never talks to me. But then I thought to myself that it's freaking ridiculous how I never talk to Him. I never say hi or ask how He's doing anymore. Instead I sit back and watch as He stands there begging with His eyes for conversation. For interaction. For me to grab hold of Him like I did when I was younger.
I'm good at doing my own thing at my own pace and hoping that Jesus will step in and keep time with me. I keep wanting Him to change my judgmental, critical, selfish self without my heart having to change.
But that's not going to happen.
I have to keep in time with Him.
He leads.
I follow.

Love will not break your heart but dismiss your fears...

My armpit itched. So I scratched. But I got out of the shower and put deodorant on so now my hand smells like deodorant. And since I'm using madre's laptop, her keyboard will smell like Old Spice. That's chill.

I don't like reading the Bible. I don't. I read it through once because I thought it would enlighten me or something. Not really. I read it because I saw my friends Bible once and it was all highlighted and notes were everywhere, I wanted to be cool like them. So I read my Bible through and highlighted all the cool sounding verses. Now my Bible is all highlighted and I don't even remember why I highlighted three quarters of the stuff I did. ANYWAYS.

Yeah. The Bible bores me. It really does. I know it's God's word and it's supposed to be awesome. Which it is. But sometimes awesome things can be boring... maybe?... I love the Bible. It's awesome. In a boring way. We're supposed to use it if we need help and I think we're supposed to read it a lot.

I read it like... Once a month. I get into random moods where I pretend I want to go read my Bible and I end up getting distracted by something like Calvin and Hobbes or making hot tea. I could kill for some hot tea right now.
I don't know why I don't like the Bible. People always say it's cool. And they get a lot out of it. But it just doesn't connect with me. I want to start reading it again. That would be nice.

It's always sitting on my dresser constantly staring at me to open it up at. It's words that your heart should constantly be eating up and digesting. I pray that God makes me more vulnerable to the words He spoke to have written down.
That would be nice.

I stumble towards my mirror...

So today I was thinking... Another shocker of mine... A lot of Christians could care less about the fact that someone died for them. I realized myself, that today I didn't care about that fact. I say I do, and I want too. But I don't. When something happens two-thousand years ago it's hard to believe that it's special, meaningful, and if it's actually even real.

I wake up in the morning and think about crap. Not poop. But what's considered poop in the eyes of Jesus and His father.
I wake up and instantly whore myself out to the world. I get out of bed and my mind is lost is sin and confusion. I know nothing about love, grace, forgiveness or hope.
Everything in my heart cries for change and love but my body pins it down and beats it senseless. I go on living life like I care, but when I get the chance I turn my back on Him and betray my Love like Judas did. I'll take the 30 talents over my Savior any day. The woman who was considered immoral in Luke: 7 loves Jesus more then I do.
If I saw Jesus face to face right now I would end up crying my own selfish tears so that my soul may be saved from Hell. I would sit and ponder at the glory of my pride and accomplishments. It kills me inside to know that I would do this.
That needs to change. It was made to be different. I want to truly believe in this man.
I want to truly love this man.
The man who died for me.

I'm addicted, I'm needy, I'm lost without You...

The other day was awesome. But I realized that I'm pretty screwed up in the brain.

But first off, I had chocolate ice cream, and I put chocolate chips in it. It was like crunchy heaven. Magical.

Gossip sounds like something only old ladies do. Last night I was standing in my bathroom and I thought to myself "blah blah blah did blah blah blah.". Then something caught me off guard and said to me "you have no right to be thinking these things. You have no right to even repeat them in any context whatsoever.". I break people down, even the ones I care about a lot, so badly. I talk bad about people I don't even know. We screw a lot of things up when we say the slightest thing bad about someone when everything that Jesus has taught us, tells us to build them up no matter what.

I want to start a mission to start building people up instead of bringing them down. Even just small things. Like "he's just a jerk" or "she really needs to stop doing that because she's just stupid.". I don't think my generation understands how much words hurt. I know people that have gotten into more then they can bear because someone talked down to them. I'm not just talking about being sad, I'm talking about people that cut, do drugs, sleep around, and constantly think of killing themselves because they we're hurt by someones words.
It needs to stop.
End of story.

He's raising the dead in the graveyards where we've laid down our dreams...

Well. The school year has started. And so far I'm already a week behind in Algebra II. That's chill.

It's rained a lot in the past weeks. Like. A lot. A lot of people I know find a lot of meaning in the rain. Like it's some sort of religion. I'm not saying that is what people think of rain, it's just what it seems like to me. It's kinda funny. I think rain is cool because I would never have thought of making something that would fall from the sky in tiny liquid pellets. And make everything grow. I suppose that's why God is God. Because He thinks of these things.

My back feels weird.

I think us humans should stop trying to take control of our lives. They're not even ours in the long run. We just get to make the choices.
In all honesty we don't deserve to live. We think we do.

I don't understand everything that goes on in this world. I don't understand what half of my friends feel when they tell me that something is wrong. 10 years ago a lot of people died in the Twin Towers and I can't even begin to understand what the families of dead relatives feel when they think of it. I have friends that don't have parents, or have just one parent. I have friends that have to cut themselves or drink themselves to sleep. I have some friends that are pregnant and don't know what to do. I have friends that don't know left from right because their minds are so screwed up on drugs.

There are people dying and brokenhearted everywhere and all I do is sit back and relax and watch it like it's the next hottest TV show. It's starting to eat away at me. It really is.

This really matters to me. Nothing more in my life besides God has mattered to me more then this. The fact that even though I feel fine, I don't feel the pain of the people I love. I want too. I long too, so that hopefully I can help them. I don't want to be Jesus to them. I just want to be able to do more then just watch.

I want to live by love. Not just sit back and watch my friends roll around in their pain.

I think that's what Jesus would do.
I want to do that too.

He stares politely back at you, you stare politely right on through...

My house is full of a lot of jars and canning stuff and if you have a good sniffer you can smell the vinegar in the air from mom pickling anything and everything in sight.
It's getting really old.

I like attention. But I don't. I like the thought that people are giving me attention because they love me. It makes me feel like I've been on TV or something like that. But I don't like the attention part of it. Where people like to talk to me a lot. Because quite honestly, I'm a terrible conversationalist. There are very few people I can just spill what's on my mind too. And if I do. Then I think the person I'm talking to is a mannequin or some. There are a couple of people I don't imagine as mannequins. I can have perfectly beautiful conversation with myself when I'm in the shower. I can bring up references and bible verses and things like that when I ramble to myself about what's been on my own mind. It's pretty funny.

I go for walks sometimes down to a little gas station about two miles down the road. It's nothing special and I don't know why I do it because for about three quarters of the walk I have to worry about either dogs, people shooting me for trespassing, or crazy drivers in logging trucks. And I talk to myself the entire way as if someone was walking next to me. It's weird. I just can't talk like that with actual human beings. Just imaginary ones.

Anyways. I love people a lot. I even ventured far enough as to tell my dad that I wouldn't mind a career that would deal with lots of people.
I just don't know how to talk to them.

I find it hard to talk to God too. I think that's kinda sad. I can have hour long conversations with myself about my own problems and I can't even mention stuff like that to God. It's kinda really sad. I think people have had the idea that I talk to God a lot. But in all honesty I don't. I have talked to Him a little bit more lately. I think. Anyways.

I think the reason I can't spill stuff to God is because He's real. I talk to an imaginary person for hours because they're not real. And since I'm a terrible conversationalist I can't talk to God that easy because He is very real. I'm not saying this to make up an excuse for myself. I'm just saying what is on my mind.

I think I'm going to make it a goal this school year to learn to talk to people like they're real. Not mannequins with really realistic skin. And I think I'll try to talk to God like He's real. Not like He can't hear me.
It's my new years resolution.
Because people usually make this in the middle of the year.
It's chill.
Like ice.

How do we get so far, from the way we used to be?

I'm kinda drained because. I don't know... I'm lazy? Yeah. Cool. I want celery.

I get tired of emotions. Mainly because they create themselves in my soul then decide to try and kill each other. It's weird. That might drain me. I don't know.

I think Jesus put's emotions in us so that we know when something feels right. You know? You know that giving a glass of water to a thirsty person is right because you can just feel it. You know that taking that glass of lovely water away from said thirsty person is wrong because you can just feel it. I think when someone murders someone else they know it's wrong. They feel it deep down inside that's it's wrong you know? Maybe they don't. I'm not inside the soul of a murderer. But you never know.

I feel like me and my generation rape our emotions for all their worth then throw them out the window. It's painful. I don't like it. Why do I do that? Why is that my first and only instinct? No one knows.

I don't think Jesus created our hearts to be that way. I really don't. I think he created them to love a whole lot. And to stay that way and never change. And to love unconditionally and beat down any emotions of hate, pride, selfishness, and anger. Yeah. I think that's right.

Hello, I swear I won't be to long...

After The Storm ~ Mumford and Sons

And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.

I will die alone and be left there.
Well I guess I'll just go home,
Oh God knows where.
Because death is just so full and mine so small.
Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair...

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound...

As written by Donald Miller in his book Blue Like Jazz

What great gravity is this that drew my soul towards yours? What great force, that though I went falsely, went kicking, went disguising myself to earn your love, also disguised to earn your keeping, your resting, your will fleshed into mine, rasped by a slowly revealed truth, the barter of my soul, the soul that I fear, the soul that I loathe, the soul that: if you will love, I will love. I will redeem you, if you will redeem me? Is this our purpose, you and I together to pacify each other, to lead each other toward the lie that we are good, that we are noble, that we need not redemption, save the one that you and I invented of our own clay?
I am not scared of you my love, I am scared of me.
I went looking, I wrote out a list, I drew and image, I bled a poem of you. You were pretty and my friends believed I was worthy of you. You were clever, but I was smarter, perhaps the only one smarter, the only one able to lead you. You see, love, I did not love you, I loved me. And you were only a tool that I used to fix myself, to fool myself, to redeem myself. And though I have taught to lay your lily hand in mine, I walk alone, for I cannot talk to you, lest you talk it back to me, lest I believe I am not worthy, not deserving, not redeemed.
I want desperately for you to be my friend. But you are not my friend; you have slid up warmly to the man I wanted to be, the man I pretended to be, and I was your Jesus and you were mine. Should I show you who I am, we may crumble. I am not scared of you, my love, I am scared of me.
I want to be know and loved anyway. Can you do this? I trust by your easy breathing that you are human like me, that you are fallen like me, that you are lonely, like me. My love, do I know you? What is this great gravity that pulls us so painfully toward each other? Why do we not connect? Will we be forever in fleshing this out? And how will we with words, narrow words, come into the knowing of each other? In this God's what of meriting grace, of teaching us of the labyrinth of His love for us, teaching us, in degrees, that which He is sacrificing to join ourselves to Him? Or better yet, has He formed our being fractional so that so that we might conclude one great hope, plodding and sighing and breathing into one another in such a great push that we might break through into the known and being loved, only to cave into a greater perdition and fall down at His throne begging for our acceptance. Begging for our completion!
We were fools to believe that we would redeem each other. Were I some sleeping Adam, to wake and find you resting at my rib, to share these things that God has done, to walk you through the garden, co counsel your timid steps, your bewildered eye, your heart so slow to love, so careful to love, so sheepish that I stepped up my aim and became a man. Is this what God intended? That though He made you from my rib, it is you who is making me, humbling me, destroying me, and in so doing revealing Him.
Will we be in ashes before we are one?
What great gravity is this that drew my heart towards yours? What great force collapsed my orbit, my lonesome state? What is this that wants in me the want in you? Don't we go at each other with yielded eyes, with cumbered hands and feet, with clunky tongues> This deed is unattainable! We cannot know each other.
I am quitting this thing, but not what you think. I am not going away.
I will give you this my love, and I will not bargain or barter any longer. I will love you, as sure as He has loved me. I will discover what I can discover and though you remain a mystery, save God's own knowledge, what I disclose of you I will keep in the warmest chamber of my hear, the very chamber where God has stowed Himself in me, And I will do this to my death, and to death it may bring me.
I will love you like God, because of God, mighted by the power of God. I will stop expecting your love, I will simply love. I am giving myself to you, and tomorrow I will do it again. I suppose the clock itself will wear thin its time before I am ended at this altar of dying and dying again.
God risked Himself on me. I will risk myself on you. And together, we will learn to love, and perhaps then, and only then, understand the gravity that drew Him, unto us...

That was long. But its what has been on my mind.

I am washed by the water...

WELL. I'm kinda disturbed by what my heart does to me. It's nothing bad but while my physical and mental being is standing still my heart does donuts around it.

I was at CIY again this past week. It moved me. A lot. I don't understand how. I don't understand why. I don't even know why I went this year. I really don't. Yes I wanted to get closer to God and CIY is a great way to learn how to do that. But my intentions were to really just hang out with friends and get out of the house. Honest. I feel terrible for saying that. But it was true. I knew the first night though, as we were seating ourselves in the auditorium, that something was going to be different.

The first year I went it was extremely weird, because it was the first time I spent a week away from home with people I didn't know. I was kinda an outcast and a kid made me cry because he was tougher then me and he proved it when I was being a freak. Hahaha (it's okay to laugh! Go for it! I just did!) Last year was different in the fact that I was learning to sing some sappy songs, I was single, and there were going to be a lot of girls. And I had a cool looking haircut. Don't get me wrong. Both years were ridiculous and definitely helped me with my walk with God. So that's good.
But my intentions weren't the same this year.
We watched a movie called Love Costs Everything about the persecuted Christian church. It was devastating and beautiful all in the same bundle. It was heart wrenching and amazing. I had to do something after watching it. But every time I say that I feel like I'm putting them up as candidates for charity. "we have to pray for them! We have to donate! We have to help them!" don't get me wrong. I'm not saying those are bad things. They aren't. By all means we should donate prayers, money, supplies, and effort to make they're lives easier. However... They don't need our help...
We need theirs...
They have everything they want and need.
God.
That's all that sustains them through back breaking work and constant threats. Yet us dumb American's need the new Ipad 4. Or 5. Or 6. Or which ever one they just made. AGAIN.
They're happy.
We're not.
Something is seriously screwed up here.
I pray that God makes us American's content with everything we have. I pray that He makes us not want anything but Him. We're spoiled rotten brats. And we think we don't need any help. When in reality we need as much help as possible...
Amen..

If Jesus could only wash my feet...

I almost cried more then five times watching a movie the other day. AND. We are out of celery... Again.

Hot tea is wonderful because it's wonderful.

I've been thinking about stuff lately... Some of it completely irrelevant to anything going on in my life, or your life, or anyone else's life for that matter. Isn't that just wonderful? I've been thinking... The same thing that possessed those guys in the Bible to start loving and taking people into the body of Christ is in each one of us. I think it's the Holy Spirit... but no one knows.

I've been listening to weird music, for example I just listened to the entire four and a half minutes of Love The Way You Lie by Eminem and Beyonce. And if you know me then you know that I rarely listen to music like that. I listen to Cady Groves when I'm working and Romance On A Rocketship before I go to bed. ANYWAYS. I'm kinda torn because I see all these musicians and singers wasting their lives away on nothing. The one thing I want is to be standing with all my brothers and sisters lifting our weary gaze to heaven and screaming out our empty songs to the beautiful God who created our hearts.

I don't know what I'm getting at. But it feels deep at the moment. Kinda like that moment when you're a little kid in a big kid pool. And you know if you keep walking out the water isn't going to get anymore shallow then it already is... If that makes sense.

I was at a concert in a bar. John Mark McMillan to be exact. It was a while ago and I have no idea why I'm bringing it up now. ANYWAYS. I was standing there with a bunch of strangers who were drinking beer listening to them and the entire audience singing "World, I've overcome you world!" Over and over again even after John stopped playing and everyone was off stage. It was heart-wrenching. Literally.

Everytime I hear Eminem's songs I pray that one day a man of his influential status would learn of Jesus' beauty and love and come to know Him and sing songs in His home for forever.

It kills my inside feely thingys when I think about the fact that no matter what there will be people left here on earth when Jesus brings me home, and the fact that I can't sing with them for eternity is even more sad. But I want to sing a song with Eminem in heaven. And Beyonce.... And Cady Groves...

This was completely random and somewhat pointless.
Enjoy!

Because I know that someone, somwhere is praying that I make it home...

I'm having trouble blogging because my mind is going through some major brain farts these days.

I'm listening to How He Loves... And talking to someone about Jesus. I can't get over the fact that even though I'm not doing much to honor Him, He still is in love with me. I don't know what love is really. I do to an extent. But I'm only human. But I know that love on earth isn't what it feels like when I see Him face to face. I feel like I'm underwater and somehow I'm breathing because... I don't know. I just am. I don't really know how to say things that are on my mind because it's been slightly hazy to me. You know that feeling you have Christmas Eve? That feeling of not knowing what's going to happen, but you know it's going to be amazing. Yeah....
THIS IS SUCH A RANDOM BLOG BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE JESUS STILL LOVES ME AND I HAVEN'T HAD CELERY IN FOREVER.

Jesus You're everything...

I haven't had celery in over forever, and I need some. BADLY.
Why is it us humans crave stuff? I just got in from mowing and what was I craving? A Twix bar. So I then indulged myself in the chocolatey goodness of a Twix. I think it's because our cravings are not just for whatever it is our flesh desires. I think it's because our hearts and souls ate constantly longing for something greater then what the freaky things this world has to offer. It longs for Jesus. The guy that made our hearts, souls, and bodies. Yeah. I think that's it.
There better be celery in heaven.

"Today, seems the perfect day, to get carried away."

On The Brightside ~ NeverShoutNever


I met a man of two feet tall
This man was quite ambitious
In a world that is so vicious to us all
I said, "Hi," as he replied
He said, "Listen to these words
That I have lived by my whole life

"You're only as tall as your heart will let you be
And you're only as small as the world will make you seem
When the going gets rough and you feel like you may fall
Just look on the brightside - you're roughly six feet tall"

I met a man of 12 feet tall
He towered like a giant
In a world that was defiant of his height
I said, "Hi," as he replied
He said, "Listen to these words
That I have dreaded my whole life

"You're only as tall as your heart will let you be
And you're only as small as the world will make you seem
When the going gets rough and you feel like you may fall
Just look on the brightside - you're roughly six feet tall."

I am a man of six feet tall
Just looking for some answers
In a world that answers none of them at all
I'll say, "Hi," but not reply
To the letters that you write
Because I found some peace of mind

Cause I'm only as tall as my heart will let me be
And I'm only as small as the world will make me seem
When the going gets rough and I feel like I may fall
I'll look on the brightside - I'm roughly six feet tall.


There are to many depressed people out there. These are some lyrics to cheer you up...

You're more real then, the ground I'm standing on...

It's 11:43 and while I'm complaining about how chapped my lips are, people are dying. Great.
Yesterday I learned that one dollar gives a kid in Africa clean water for a year.
Why is it that us spoiled American's have to have something in return when we give something. I'm not saying that everyone is like that. But in general. Most of us are.

Unfortunately there are a lot of those people in the church.
Why is it that the church, the body of Jesus, is selfish?! Why is it that pride and dignity kill off people physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It annoys me.
I really want some celery.
Jesus washed the feet of His disciples, He stooped low to pick the crappiest people up out of the dirt. And yet when we say we are aiming to be like Jesus we only try to build ourselves up into this weird looking churchy, pride consumed robot. Once again. I'm not saying that's how EVERYONE is. But generally, and in the broad sense, we are.
To be like Jesus we have to forget about us. It does us no good whatsoever to be all about ourselves.
Love is selfless and will give anything to benefit others. Jesus is the pure and holy definition of love. To be in the likeness of Jesus, we must grasp love. Do you understand?
Love means... Going to someplace like...
http://activewater.org/
And donating even just a dollar to make sure a kid doesn't die from dirty water.

My dreams are bursting at the seams...

You know. Never mind. You don't know. But anyways. You're awesome.

Ever feel like your at the point where, you're ready to jump out of a plane (to go skydiving of course) but you're just not sure what's going to happen? I feel like that. Although. I don't. Because I've never been skydiving. But Everything around me seems burdened with this growing expectation. Sorta like waiting for the leaves to pop out on trees. Which in my opinion is quite a wonderful thing to be waiting for. In fact. The wait is over and they leaves are already coming out. ANYWAYS. Back to my point which I haven't made yet.
I think Jesus is going to be here soon. I have no idea what that means. But... I'm guessing in the next 100 years or so. Or maybe a thousand. Or whenever He wants. I'm cool with whatever. I just cracked my entire back.
I can't wait to see Jesus. It will be like... My one and only dream come true.
Now my back feels funny.
I'm really craving cucumbers.