He stares politely back at you, you stare politely right on through...

My house is full of a lot of jars and canning stuff and if you have a good sniffer you can smell the vinegar in the air from mom pickling anything and everything in sight.
It's getting really old.

I like attention. But I don't. I like the thought that people are giving me attention because they love me. It makes me feel like I've been on TV or something like that. But I don't like the attention part of it. Where people like to talk to me a lot. Because quite honestly, I'm a terrible conversationalist. There are very few people I can just spill what's on my mind too. And if I do. Then I think the person I'm talking to is a mannequin or some. There are a couple of people I don't imagine as mannequins. I can have perfectly beautiful conversation with myself when I'm in the shower. I can bring up references and bible verses and things like that when I ramble to myself about what's been on my own mind. It's pretty funny.

I go for walks sometimes down to a little gas station about two miles down the road. It's nothing special and I don't know why I do it because for about three quarters of the walk I have to worry about either dogs, people shooting me for trespassing, or crazy drivers in logging trucks. And I talk to myself the entire way as if someone was walking next to me. It's weird. I just can't talk like that with actual human beings. Just imaginary ones.

Anyways. I love people a lot. I even ventured far enough as to tell my dad that I wouldn't mind a career that would deal with lots of people.
I just don't know how to talk to them.

I find it hard to talk to God too. I think that's kinda sad. I can have hour long conversations with myself about my own problems and I can't even mention stuff like that to God. It's kinda really sad. I think people have had the idea that I talk to God a lot. But in all honesty I don't. I have talked to Him a little bit more lately. I think. Anyways.

I think the reason I can't spill stuff to God is because He's real. I talk to an imaginary person for hours because they're not real. And since I'm a terrible conversationalist I can't talk to God that easy because He is very real. I'm not saying this to make up an excuse for myself. I'm just saying what is on my mind.

I think I'm going to make it a goal this school year to learn to talk to people like they're real. Not mannequins with really realistic skin. And I think I'll try to talk to God like He's real. Not like He can't hear me.
It's my new years resolution.
Because people usually make this in the middle of the year.
It's chill.
Like ice.