I am washed by the water...

WELL. I'm kinda disturbed by what my heart does to me. It's nothing bad but while my physical and mental being is standing still my heart does donuts around it.

I was at CIY again this past week. It moved me. A lot. I don't understand how. I don't understand why. I don't even know why I went this year. I really don't. Yes I wanted to get closer to God and CIY is a great way to learn how to do that. But my intentions were to really just hang out with friends and get out of the house. Honest. I feel terrible for saying that. But it was true. I knew the first night though, as we were seating ourselves in the auditorium, that something was going to be different.

The first year I went it was extremely weird, because it was the first time I spent a week away from home with people I didn't know. I was kinda an outcast and a kid made me cry because he was tougher then me and he proved it when I was being a freak. Hahaha (it's okay to laugh! Go for it! I just did!) Last year was different in the fact that I was learning to sing some sappy songs, I was single, and there were going to be a lot of girls. And I had a cool looking haircut. Don't get me wrong. Both years were ridiculous and definitely helped me with my walk with God. So that's good.
But my intentions weren't the same this year.
We watched a movie called Love Costs Everything about the persecuted Christian church. It was devastating and beautiful all in the same bundle. It was heart wrenching and amazing. I had to do something after watching it. But every time I say that I feel like I'm putting them up as candidates for charity. "we have to pray for them! We have to donate! We have to help them!" don't get me wrong. I'm not saying those are bad things. They aren't. By all means we should donate prayers, money, supplies, and effort to make they're lives easier. However... They don't need our help...
We need theirs...
They have everything they want and need.
God.
That's all that sustains them through back breaking work and constant threats. Yet us dumb American's need the new Ipad 4. Or 5. Or 6. Or which ever one they just made. AGAIN.
They're happy.
We're not.
Something is seriously screwed up here.
I pray that God makes us American's content with everything we have. I pray that He makes us not want anything but Him. We're spoiled rotten brats. And we think we don't need any help. When in reality we need as much help as possible...
Amen..

If Jesus could only wash my feet...

I almost cried more then five times watching a movie the other day. AND. We are out of celery... Again.

Hot tea is wonderful because it's wonderful.

I've been thinking about stuff lately... Some of it completely irrelevant to anything going on in my life, or your life, or anyone else's life for that matter. Isn't that just wonderful? I've been thinking... The same thing that possessed those guys in the Bible to start loving and taking people into the body of Christ is in each one of us. I think it's the Holy Spirit... but no one knows.

I've been listening to weird music, for example I just listened to the entire four and a half minutes of Love The Way You Lie by Eminem and Beyonce. And if you know me then you know that I rarely listen to music like that. I listen to Cady Groves when I'm working and Romance On A Rocketship before I go to bed. ANYWAYS. I'm kinda torn because I see all these musicians and singers wasting their lives away on nothing. The one thing I want is to be standing with all my brothers and sisters lifting our weary gaze to heaven and screaming out our empty songs to the beautiful God who created our hearts.

I don't know what I'm getting at. But it feels deep at the moment. Kinda like that moment when you're a little kid in a big kid pool. And you know if you keep walking out the water isn't going to get anymore shallow then it already is... If that makes sense.

I was at a concert in a bar. John Mark McMillan to be exact. It was a while ago and I have no idea why I'm bringing it up now. ANYWAYS. I was standing there with a bunch of strangers who were drinking beer listening to them and the entire audience singing "World, I've overcome you world!" Over and over again even after John stopped playing and everyone was off stage. It was heart-wrenching. Literally.

Everytime I hear Eminem's songs I pray that one day a man of his influential status would learn of Jesus' beauty and love and come to know Him and sing songs in His home for forever.

It kills my inside feely thingys when I think about the fact that no matter what there will be people left here on earth when Jesus brings me home, and the fact that I can't sing with them for eternity is even more sad. But I want to sing a song with Eminem in heaven. And Beyonce.... And Cady Groves...

This was completely random and somewhat pointless.
Enjoy!

Because I know that someone, somwhere is praying that I make it home...

I'm having trouble blogging because my mind is going through some major brain farts these days.

I'm listening to How He Loves... And talking to someone about Jesus. I can't get over the fact that even though I'm not doing much to honor Him, He still is in love with me. I don't know what love is really. I do to an extent. But I'm only human. But I know that love on earth isn't what it feels like when I see Him face to face. I feel like I'm underwater and somehow I'm breathing because... I don't know. I just am. I don't really know how to say things that are on my mind because it's been slightly hazy to me. You know that feeling you have Christmas Eve? That feeling of not knowing what's going to happen, but you know it's going to be amazing. Yeah....
THIS IS SUCH A RANDOM BLOG BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE JESUS STILL LOVES ME AND I HAVEN'T HAD CELERY IN FOREVER.

Jesus You're everything...

I haven't had celery in over forever, and I need some. BADLY.
Why is it us humans crave stuff? I just got in from mowing and what was I craving? A Twix bar. So I then indulged myself in the chocolatey goodness of a Twix. I think it's because our cravings are not just for whatever it is our flesh desires. I think it's because our hearts and souls ate constantly longing for something greater then what the freaky things this world has to offer. It longs for Jesus. The guy that made our hearts, souls, and bodies. Yeah. I think that's it.
There better be celery in heaven.

"Today, seems the perfect day, to get carried away."

On The Brightside ~ NeverShoutNever


I met a man of two feet tall
This man was quite ambitious
In a world that is so vicious to us all
I said, "Hi," as he replied
He said, "Listen to these words
That I have lived by my whole life

"You're only as tall as your heart will let you be
And you're only as small as the world will make you seem
When the going gets rough and you feel like you may fall
Just look on the brightside - you're roughly six feet tall"

I met a man of 12 feet tall
He towered like a giant
In a world that was defiant of his height
I said, "Hi," as he replied
He said, "Listen to these words
That I have dreaded my whole life

"You're only as tall as your heart will let you be
And you're only as small as the world will make you seem
When the going gets rough and you feel like you may fall
Just look on the brightside - you're roughly six feet tall."

I am a man of six feet tall
Just looking for some answers
In a world that answers none of them at all
I'll say, "Hi," but not reply
To the letters that you write
Because I found some peace of mind

Cause I'm only as tall as my heart will let me be
And I'm only as small as the world will make me seem
When the going gets rough and I feel like I may fall
I'll look on the brightside - I'm roughly six feet tall.


There are to many depressed people out there. These are some lyrics to cheer you up...

You're more real then, the ground I'm standing on...

It's 11:43 and while I'm complaining about how chapped my lips are, people are dying. Great.
Yesterday I learned that one dollar gives a kid in Africa clean water for a year.
Why is it that us spoiled American's have to have something in return when we give something. I'm not saying that everyone is like that. But in general. Most of us are.

Unfortunately there are a lot of those people in the church.
Why is it that the church, the body of Jesus, is selfish?! Why is it that pride and dignity kill off people physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It annoys me.
I really want some celery.
Jesus washed the feet of His disciples, He stooped low to pick the crappiest people up out of the dirt. And yet when we say we are aiming to be like Jesus we only try to build ourselves up into this weird looking churchy, pride consumed robot. Once again. I'm not saying that's how EVERYONE is. But generally, and in the broad sense, we are.
To be like Jesus we have to forget about us. It does us no good whatsoever to be all about ourselves.
Love is selfless and will give anything to benefit others. Jesus is the pure and holy definition of love. To be in the likeness of Jesus, we must grasp love. Do you understand?
Love means... Going to someplace like...
http://activewater.org/
And donating even just a dollar to make sure a kid doesn't die from dirty water.

My dreams are bursting at the seams...

You know. Never mind. You don't know. But anyways. You're awesome.

Ever feel like your at the point where, you're ready to jump out of a plane (to go skydiving of course) but you're just not sure what's going to happen? I feel like that. Although. I don't. Because I've never been skydiving. But Everything around me seems burdened with this growing expectation. Sorta like waiting for the leaves to pop out on trees. Which in my opinion is quite a wonderful thing to be waiting for. In fact. The wait is over and they leaves are already coming out. ANYWAYS. Back to my point which I haven't made yet.
I think Jesus is going to be here soon. I have no idea what that means. But... I'm guessing in the next 100 years or so. Or maybe a thousand. Or whenever He wants. I'm cool with whatever. I just cracked my entire back.
I can't wait to see Jesus. It will be like... My one and only dream come true.
Now my back feels funny.
I'm really craving cucumbers.