Transatlanticism.

Zoning out seems to be a favorite of mine in just about everything I do. It seems that everything I try and need to think about just bounces off my brain.
There also seems to be random moments in my day where God crosses into those ridiculously never ending circles I call my thoughts. And when He does it's either nothing of importance or I just can't help but stop and stare at the sky and wonder what the heck He's doing. It's kinda reallllllly ridiculous how it all comes into play. At the end of the day I get a tad frustrated with how things turn out from the days events. Even if the day is perfect I think about things I could have done better.

There is this song. It's called Transatlanticism by Death Cab For Cutie. It talks about getting to what I think is heaven. The guy talks about water crashing in and millions of people moving in one direction. But he talks about how... Moving forward looks more like crossing a moat than rather a lake or an ocean. The part that gets to me like that little emotional itch on our heart you can never scratch, is when the guy starts singing "I need you so much closer."

That line really really moves me. It's like.... Driving a car and then hitting a brick wall. But the reality of that line is this. Our hearts are singing this song to our Maker. The most beautiful thing about it is He's singing it back. Sorta like "Hey. I'm an ocean. I'm love. C'mon.". What I can't get out of my head is... I can't live the past because we were made to be moving forward. No matter how much I zone out on things I could have done better this song makes me realize that we can't relive what we've done. We can't take back words we've said. Nor actions we've made. But through the thick of it. There is this never ending train of thought. This infinite song in our hearts. This yearning in our soul that's saying "I need you so much closer." And the beauty is that we're getting closer. We're finding something. We're excavating up something ancient. We're always getting closer. No going back. Soon enough. We won't need to sing this song.