As His Heart Bleeds...

Something is breaking in me... It's really hard to describe it. In fact there is no possible way for me to describe it at the moment. Something inside me is being ripped out, and yet something is being planted in me. It's nothing bad, I'm not emo. It's quite beautiful. The best way to elaborate on what I'm feeling is in a song. It's called Samskeyti by Sigur Ros. I went to this camp called CIY (Christ In Youth) and after each evening session they would play this song as we were walking out to go do our youth group discussions. It's a lovely song. And each night I would listen to it after leaving the auditorium, feeling like Jesus took a mess of spiritual emotions and shoved them into my soul. It's true though. He did. He took everything out of me and put them into a box and then burnt it. He put in me something more than this world has to offer. I looked up the definition of Samskeyti (it's Icelandic) and one definition was "Seam". Interesting huh? One of the definitions of "seam" is; "to join." We are joined with the man who died for us. Through His blood we are joined. We are seamed together with the purest form of love there is known to man. He has a heart. And we just so happen to be stitched to it. To think of it, Jesus without us would be like a shirt with no stitching. An arm with no elbow. Thinking about this makes me want to cry. I thought those emotions He shoved into me would disappear after the last service. He's proving me wrong. Right at this moment He's proving me wrong. But it's so much more than an emotion. It's love swirling in my chest. It's love swirling in my head, It's love surrounding me like a blanket. Finding me in this mess of love is like finding a needle in worlds of haystacks. For you to find yourself in this is like trying to find out if the stars ever end. It's impossible. To comprehend God is like trying to outrun a bullet. He's going to hit you. Like seeing what would happen if you tried to go a month without sleep. It's going to catch up to you soon. He is love.